


Speak Not of the Blackbirds

by ghosty



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Canon, Blood and Injury, Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Survival Wilderness, ok you know what who am i kidding Dom/sub overtones, please assume that mikasa is way older than 15.......
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-09 00:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosty/pseuds/ghosty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One mission gone wrong leads to an ancient forest, a mysterious town, and a race to safely return to the Walls called home with the odds against them. </p><p>All bets are off: they work together, or die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!!!! So this is a fic I've been working on off and on for the last like, six months?? I didn't want to post because I was afraid I wouldn't finish it, but considering I have 16k written, I THINK WE'LL BE FINE. This is the fic that let me live out my survival wilderness dreams (p.s. read My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George, that shit changed my life), but also write some fun Levi/Mikasa headcanons I had B)
> 
> A-anyway, I hope you give it a chance, and maybe stick along for the ride! If the rating needs to be bumped, I'll do so later on.
> 
> Here's chapter one of Speak Not of the Blackbirds ヽ(^▽^;)ノ *:･ﾟ✧

Mikasa had never been one to feel like a rabbit. Even when she was small, she felt too burdenless, too loved to begin to worry about herself or fret for her mother and father. And as she got older -- read: as she followed in the burning footsteps of Eren Jaeger -- she would, unquestioningly, consider herself one of the most lionhearted people she knew. She knew no fear, not really. She breathed bravery. Embodied unstoppable. Deep down, Mikasa harbored something powerful and fiercesome, innate in her design.

Now, in the fading light of the late afternoon, all of these things were slowly stripping away from her like old paint, leaving Mikasa Ackerman shaken and breathless like the little girl at her core.

Climbing all around her were pines and oaks and beeches too old to discern; homes and buildings that had been abandoned long ago, sheltered by possessive, verdant vines of curtain and honeysuckle. The ground under her boots, she could barely make out, used to be a well-traveled road, but years of disuse had lead to loamy soil and mulch and leaves to replace it. Her surroundings held the sound of wilderness, cackling, long songs of cicadas, birdsong poetry, skittish squirrels.

And the heavy, drawn out footsteps, the low moans of titans.

The sun was encroaching on the massive treeline now, but the lingering rays illuminated her in the middle of what seemed to have once been a boulevard, frozen like a spooked deer. She was a sight to behold, if anything -- the red light shone starkly on her crow-coloured hair and made her crimson scarf burn brighter and her gear gleam scarlet, with her head tilted up towards the skies, hands hovering over her blades as she scanned for titans.

 _No_ , she thought mutedly. _No. I must not die. I must not die._

But nothing in her moved, except her shuddering heart. Her bruises and cuts stung, and her fingers trembled like a wheat field in a breeze, and something in her thought it felt the burning sensation of eyes on her, but she could not move an inch.

She wondered if the rest of her troop was lost, too, or if they had the sense to make it out alive.

A smaller voice wondered, frightfully, if she was left alone.

\---

Levi was, to start, unable to discern where or why things had gone wrong.

Formation had been accurate. He can remember with painful detail how relieved and impressed he had been with his legion for remaining in their appropriate positions, taking great care to stay where they were supposed to stay, and the stunning lack of back-talking.

Maybe that was why.

"Tch."

He swung his chin down and spat out a mouthful of blood with disgust. Currently, the sun was just on on the precipice of beginning to set, and he reckoned his squadron had about an hour of daylight left.

_Huh... That includes my sorry ass, too, now doesn't it?_

All around him were the remains of a time-worn village that had been abandoned God only knew how long ago, naturally, from titan intervention. It had been a failed attempt to establish a settlement, and Levi grimaced at a skull that he walked by, kicking it away with his heel. He didn't want to be reminded of how soon he might be joining the anonymous bones.

It was frustrating how much this place had thrived. To his left, he could see the remnants of what might have been a shopping area, with wooden signs creaking petulantly in the stale breeze, their ridges covered in moss. He was circled by the sounds of birds and trees and wilderness, and it was rich and looming, and he felt the faraway tremors of titans on the move and how they moved away from him. Probably towards his troop.

They wouldn't die. They were capable. Erwin was still with them, right? He could scarcely remember what happened, and the blow he'd taken to the head ached as he strained. They had just made it through a clearing, and then, bodies towered over them. They hadn't seen that they were on the edge of an ancient forest, one that was probably more primordial than he'd cared to fathom, and a fist came down to his left the size of a wagon, and he instinctively jerked forward and off of his whinnying horse, swinging himself as he launched his hooks into one of the giant trees.

There was immediate yelling, scattering, screaming. Things he was used to. Things he had to simultaneously tune out and monitor. The mass of titans they confronted were nearly entirely 15-meter classes or higher; bulky, ugly things with bulbous eyes that shone with the purest compulsion to butcher his comrades. He remembered scanning the mile of forest and field around him, soaking in the situation and the layout of the land as swiftly as possible, and then bellowing orders -- he couldn't remember what he said, only that his command echoed around the wood and birds scattered and other officers began repeating his words to the lower-ranks. He felt, instinctually, after so many years, the chaos become a little more contained.

Then he moved.

Three of the beasts were coming at him, one of them already reaching a massive and grubby hand in his current tree, as if trying to pick him like an apple, and Levi bulleted past it, his maneuver gear whistling as his wires tried to keep up with his pace. He ricocheted around the back of the creature's tender neck, moved in close, and took out a fatal hunk of flesh; a clean-cut, no blood shed, lasting only a blink.

Everywhere now was the cacophony of gas tanks steaming and wires whirring and attempted communication. Out of the corner of his eye, a bushy-eyebrowed titan snapped at one of his soldiers', narrowly missing his ankle. His momentum carried him, and seconds later, he was on the monster's spine, raking his blades through it and slaying it as well.

He felt, then, something behind him, huge and breathing heavy. A trivial matter. His boot shifted, and moved without having to think, as usual -- everything moved around him like a solar system, mapped out perfectly in his head, and then a pair of wire sung by his cheek, nearly piercing his jaw, and he had to duck hastily to avoid the girl who came screaming by. He knew immediately it was a piss-frightened newbie, and her interference was all the time the titan needed.

He heard a woman's voice scream his name with panic. Levi's legs were bent, about to sail away to a safer perch, and his head snapped just in time to see a 20-meter class bringing down its fist right over his head.

Reflex kicked in. The breath was nearly knocked out of him as the wires yanked him away from the corpse, but the titan just managed to knick him, just enough to make his course misalign and send him hurtling against a branch, where he slammed his head against the evergreen's trunk.

Levi was momentarily gone. The world was black, but his nails dug into the bark, and he clung to consciousness. He was dizzy, felt the hot drip of blood careening down the side of his face, and was unimaginably pissed. His legs wobbled, and he had to squint, left eye hindered by the blood flow, and he painfully counted an unpleasant amount of living titans compared to dead ones, and then growled out orders to every soldier he saw to get back into formation and retreat.

He would clean up the mess, he remembered thinking. He saw Hanji slitting through the irises of one with shouted apologies, and Petra sliding in behind it to cut its neck. He saw Mike handling a particularly burly 18-meter class, and three more people coming to help him.

He remembered the noise slowly die down as he focused on one particularly vicious one that was hounding after one of his terrified newbies, maybe the one who had nearly killed him, saw a telltale flash of red that he knew was Ackerman's security blanket, and in seconds, felled the thing. A minute later, he turned to see said newbie being swallowed whole by another titan, and Ackerman immediately slashing through its nape. For half of a second, she looked up and met his gaze, her eyes distant and guarded as always. But, he was her Corporal -- he nodded in approval, which she returned, and then she was rocketing away.

And then he was alone.

When Levi finally stopped, he saw nothing but bodies, none of them breathing, few of them in one piece.

\---

He never found his troop.


	2. Chapter 2

He thought he was going the right way, but, maybe he had a concussion, and maybe the rocking sensation akin to ricocheting bullets in-between his ears had made him thrown up enough that he couldn't think, and he may have been slightly deluded when he saw the beginnings of a town and believed he'd made it back. One of the first things he found was a well, and not a titan in sight, so he spat out blood and wiped his mouth, and pulled up the rope and bucket.

God was merciful. It looked clean enough, and parched beyond comprehension, he drank deeply. The water washed down his throat, divine and cool, and he drank until he was engorged on it, and even then he ran it over his aching, dirty (" _disgusting_ ") hands and splashed it over his face, blinking until he felt more conscious. Lastly, he filled his drinking pouch, and gently lowered the wooden bucket back into the recesses.

He kept walking. This lasted until he saw a distinctly human figure standing in the middle of the road, glowing scarlet under the setting sun. In Levi's painful and worn state, the colors of the scene all mixed and twisted into brilliant ruby and dark emerald, interrupted only by the slender form of the delicate person who was the forefront of the painting. There was something pathetic and beautiful about the image, all at once, and Levi felt his breath catch and himself nearly miss a step -- though surely that was from his injury.

The wind came down the street, blowing leaves into the air and making the old trees groan, and a distinctly red scarf whip around the person. He shut his eyes tight, steadying himself, and opened them again to find his vision clear and sobering, though his blurry mind still felt a tinge of reluctance that his original sight was gone.

Mikasa Ackerman. There was no one else it could be.

He was met with a rush of blistering emotions, all conflicting and nauseating in their rush. First there was overpowering relief that felt just as good as drinking the well water. It was followed earnestly by confusion, as to why Ackerman was here, and especially why she was standing the middle of the road looking like an abandoned cat. And then indignation, fury as to why she had not obeyed orders and gone back with the rest of the soldiers. But, naturally, fury turned into concern -- concern that one of the best soldiers he had was not _with_ his troop...

Blood was piling in his mouth again, slowly, from where his teeth had ripped the inside of his cheek, and Levi spit on the ground before calling out.

" _Oi_. Ackerman."

\---

Mikasa could not truthfully say the last time she'd been so relieved to see her Corporal.

Words rose in her throat and fell flat. Corporal Levi limped over to her, his expression worn and taciturn, and Mikasa could barely make herself move until he was right in front of her, where she finally took a long, shuddering breath, and broke out of her reverie.

"Corporal," she attempted to greet him, but she had barely taken in air and it came out breathless. She swiftly ran her palms over her eyes to calm herself. "You're alive..."

Corporal Levi spat blood out of the corner of his mouth, leaving a small bit to trickle down his chin, and causing Mikasa to study his face more closely, her eyes adjusting to the blinding final rays of sunlight making his face glow. The blood trembled down his chin; his dark hair was somewhat slicked back and damp with sweat, and the, most noticeably of all, a purple bruise was blossoming across his right temple towards his eye, marred by a coagulating scrape. Its size was painful. Despite his beaten state, he looked surprisingly clean... though this was Levi, after all.

"'Course I'm alive. Wasn't about to let a few mongrels eat and shit me out."

She restrained a smile, trying to contain her overwhelming rush of emotions. She bottled up her shaking fear, melancholy, relief and concern, and tried to channel it into a composed voice. "Are you all right?" she asked. Then, "Your head looks... unpleasant."

He, on the other hand, snorted as he looked away. "It's a scratch. I'm fine." His gaze returned to her, and Mikasa felt the uncomfortably warm sensation of his eyes combing her body from top to bottom, until he asked, "Are you hurt?"

Mikasa shifted her weight and shook her head.

"Mm. Good." Pause. "...I take it no one else is with you, Ackerman?"

"No, sir. I made it out alone."

"Tch. Marvelous. Regardless, you're not dead, but I wish you'd obeyed orders for once in your life. Color me surprised."

Mikasa bit the inside of her cheek and opted not to respond. Levi did not speak either -- he became contemplative, staring off into the fading skyline, seeming somber, or bitter, or both. The sun had sunk lower now, leaving traces of orange lights and dark shapes on his skin, and reminding her that night would soon come.

"We should probably take shelter sooner rather than later," Mikasa finally said. Levi's head jerked to attention at her words and he winced as he did, alerting her to the fact that his plum-coloured wound was probably far worse than he'd care to admit. Nothing could be done, however -- finding somewhere safe to hide would have to be their priority for now.

"Shouldn't be too difficult. I'm sure one of these decrepit shitsacks still has enough roof on it to get us through the night," he said, eyes combing the ghost town they stood in as he did. "Food can wait until morning. Have you had water?"

Mikasa frowned a little, and reached into her jacket to check her pouch. She squeezed it, and heard only a faint sloshing from the very bottom.

"I have some left. I'll be fine."

"I think not. There's a well back there, and it's still good. Clean up and drink your fill, then we're looking for cover."

Mikasa was going to protest, already fed up with his condescension, but the look in his eyes warned her not to complain. Mikasa grit her teeth, thought better than to put his face into the dirt, and stormed off without a word. As such, she quickly found the well, quenched her thirst gratefully, filled her pouch, and then began the search for shelter.

It was as the sun truly began to dissolve into twilight and a warm, uneasy grey filled the world that a sense of peculiarity truly took root.

Something was incomprehensibly unsettling about this town. Mikasa could not put her finger on it. She barely said a word, as did her companion, except from occasional necessary comments -- they'd break down a door, discuss that there was too much rubble and broken glass and ruin to make the house habitable, and then trudge on to the next place. Many, many of the buildings had demolished roofs, or walls entirely blown out, and it was evident that titans had wrecked the area some time ago.

At least the wall was more or less up. Mikasa had never heard of this little area -- Levi muttered something about it being a failed offshoot from the Wall Shiganshina, meant to be a possible watch for scouting, like a crow's nest of sorts -- and it did nothing to quell the unnerved feeling in her chest. It seemed Levi picked up on this, for after peering into the fifteenth building and finding it unsuitable, he sighed and turned to her.

"Fuckin' wreck. If we don't find something here, we'll have to settle on one next to the wall." She understood with his point, and agreed: the closer to the center, the safer. But his topic took an abrupt turn. "Ackerman. Be honest with me: are you actually fine? Withholding information from me creates room for error, and I for one do not want to get fucked in the middle of this hellhole with no assistance in sight."

His language was harsh, he was wincing from where his injury was, and blood had dried on the corner of his mouth... but his words were not wholly unkind. Mikasa could not place why, but she reluctantly felt it was truly just the mark of a leader -- the finality of his tone melded with something thoughtful; reliable? It was foreign to her, and her inability to identify it left her sour, but the safeness of his words still wrapped around her welcomingly.

She frowned, and pinched the inside of her sleeve. "I'm fine. Really." 

"You'd better be. I don't have the patience or energy to waste on saving your ass."

Constellations were blotting the heavens by now, and a milky light from the arrival of waxing moon was all that illuminated the world. Levi looked impossibly steady in the moonlight, his cloak wavering in the breeze and his eyes reflecting the twilight silver. Mikasa felt words tumble into her mouth, but she could not speak them -- her brow furrowed, and all she could think of was how she wished she knew if Eren was okay or not; how secretly relieved she was to for Levi's presence, so that she was not alone in this place.

She nearly stumbled midstep with that uncharacteristically kind thought about Levi, but took a breath hurried to continue towards the next house.

"Same goes for you, sir," she replied evenly. "You've nearly toppled over more than a few times, and I'd be grateful if I didn't have to haul your body back to quarters."

Levi snorted derisively. "As if. Your track record pisses itself under mine."

"Perhaps. But who's the one sporting a concussion?"

And there was nothing he could say to that. Mikasa spared him the hurt pride, for the house she looked in proved hopeful, and she added, "This one is in surprisingly solid condition. I think we're in luck."

She had to squint a bit in the dimming light, but it was apparent that the roof was still 3/4ths of the way on this one, and it had protected the inside of the little shack from a great deal of decay. The windows were all mostly broken, there were dead leaves strewn across the floor, and some leaks in the roof around a large hole on the other end that had left little puddles. But even so, Mikasa could make out a patch of miniature white flowers growing out of a crack, and the place was cosy, upright -- and above all -- adequate. 

Naturally, Levi could not accept her judgment alone, and had to peer in for himself before deeming it satisfactory -- which he did. Mikasa rolled her eyes, and he didn't see, thankfully, and they stepped inside.

A few minutes later, their gear was tucked away on a dilapidated shelf, and the arduous process of cleaning up enough space to sleep began. It was absurd -- impressive, even -- that with such an injury, Levi demanded their sleeping space be pristine.

But Mikasa was not resentful, though she wanted to be. On the contrary, her typical hatred seemed to be only a simmering disdain, and it was eclipsed by some want to fulfill her duty to the best of her ability. She didn't know why. This was the man who she'd watched ride in on horseback god knew how many times -- even when he was brutally young, too -- and the man who'd, like it or not, probably saved Eren's life more times than she could count. He was the man who stayed behind to correct her form when she did one-on-one, and still lead an entire troop in a way that gave them astounding faith, even til their deaths. A man who, really, she knew nothing about.

Levi was not a person who did things for show, not really. All of his words, bitter and poisonous, resounding and hopeful, blunt and dominating, were said with purpose and action to back it up. Mikasa had heard the whispers, knew she and him were birds of a feather, fortunately or not, in their battle ability. It wasn't something she liked, and it left a bad taste in her mouth.

But even these thoughts could not quell her drive. Mikasa reluctantly remained hard at work, even though she was tired, and still secretly rabbit-hearted, and the dark curtain of night was falling on them.

She nicked her fingers on glass shards twice, but managed to hide this from Levi, who was currently scrubbing portions of the floor and regularly blowing his bangs out of his face, mumbling something about needing a bandana. They cleaned in mostly silence, occasionally with Levi directing her because she'd missed a spot, but eventually the lack of light was too overwhelming to continue.

"That's enough for now, Ackerman."

Mikasa sat up on her knees as he did, breathing deeply in relief and wiping the sweat off her brow with the back of her arm. She had long discarded her jacket and rolled up her sleeves, and the sweat cooled quickly in the dusky night air. Out the old, cracked window in front of her, she could see the yellow moon had fully come up from behind the smattering of jagged, looming silhouettes of black trees, and wisps of fireflies passed lazily by the copious starscape. It was impossibly bright and hushed all at once; the wind cooed softly, and here and there, now and then, an owl would call out from the nothingness, and the crickets would not even falter. Mikasa could count a dozen shapes in the stars that peered between billowy clouds, but not see her own hand laid on her leg.

There were no sounds of horses, or restless sleepers down the hall. There were no patrolling soldiers, no sounds of boots on rock and concrete and muffled voices discussing plans.

Mikasa Ackerman felt very far away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would v much be lying if i said i didn't love writing this??????

Mikasa gave a start when her own cloak came down around her shoulders, and Levi took care to wrap it securely before dropping his own cloak in her lap. There. Now she wouldn't freeze to death in the middle of the night.

Naturally, she looked up at him immediately, the question _why_? shining plainly in her canny black eyes.

"You're going to sleep while I keep watch. It'll get colder as the night goes on, so you'll need those. I'll wake you up in a few hours."

Levi almost felt like dropping dead. It was nothing but sheer will keeping him on his feet at this point. He would roll in mud right now if it meant sleeping, but he would not, because he was the Lance Corporal and he'd sooner snap his legs off than show weakness now and leave Ackerman to coddle him.

"Absolutely not. I can remain awake for days if need be, and I am perfectly able-bodied. This is absurd," she retorted.

"You seem to be forgetting your place, _soldier_ ," he snapped back, pain making him even more irritable than the norm.

"With all due respect, _sir_ , I don't think I'd rest easy knowing you haven't."

"Oh, come off it, brat. However touching your concern for my well being is, I assure you that it takes a lot more than a cat scratch to decommission me. Now. Go to sleep before I make you."

He had an inkling that the girl's fists were balling up, and he inwardly smirked at her anger, knowing she had given up. How perfectly precious. She really had no control of her emotions.

"Wake me up the second you think you hear something." These were her parting words, and they were biting in tone. With that, the girl sprawled out his cloak in the cleared corner of the room, creaking the wooden floors, and laid on her back in the moonlight. Unsurprisingly, she tucked the scarf carefully around her neck and chin before laying her arm over her face, blocking her eyes.

Levi detested that scarf. With the frequency in which she wore it, she didn't wash it nearly half enough, and he did passingly ponder why she was so devoted to the thing.

But the matter was trivial. Levi was pained, exhausted, and in for a very long night. Outside, all was calm and soft, dark blues and ghostly whites, tiny sparkling lights, and a continued conversation of nocturnal life he would not be privy to. He heard no titans, but he always might, at any second. If he let his guard down, it could always mean death. Death didn't fuck around. It didn't pick sides. It didn't give second chances, and it sure as hell didn't show mercy.

Levi knew this very, very well. And he kindled this old fear in him, feeding on it, using it to keep his eyes from shutting and sending him to sleep.

\---

It was fucking freezing.

Every time Mikasa thought she'd found sleep -- after long trains of thought about being eaten in her dreams, about Levi dying from the cold or waking her too late, she quelled these thoughts and crept closer to unconsciousness, only to be briskly jolted back to reality where it was cold as sin. And she'd roll over, tuck the evergreen cloaks around herself more tightly, readjust her scarf and press her hair closer to her cheeks, and try and try and try, and never make it to restful oblivion. She wearily accepted that she'd probably not get any sleep, which was even more irritating, because she'd rather be taking the first watch shift as opposed to dealing with this. But no, naturally, Corporal Levi was as pretentious as they came. Mikasa hated the high and mighty, who felt it was their god-given right to rest their boot heels on the lower, treating them like footstools. Corporal Levi would sooner lose a limb than accept her as an equal and not some snot-dribbling private. And even then, he'd probably remind her over and over how he was the better soldier anyway. 

"For Christ's sake, Ackerman, what's the problem?"

Mikasa sat up instantly, alert and bleary-eyed, and she rubbed her palms against her face with smoldering anger.

"Whh, what?" she quipped.

"You haven't been still in an hour. Why aren't you asleep yet?"

Half-awake, woefully cold, Mikasa snapped back, "In case you haven't noticed, it's practically a cold cellar in here."

Things went quiet. For a split second, Mikasa felt a twinge of guilt for responding with such vitriol. Levi didn't reply, and Mikasa hastily flumped back down to the floor, preparing to try and cosy up again, but was interrupted when her Corporal stood and quietly walked across the room to her. He had been in the doorway at first, sitting cross-legged with his hands gruffly on his knees and his eyes focused hard on the shapeless horizons, but now he was situating himself at her side.

"Scoot," he ordered.

Mikasa, confused and trying to adjust to the low visibility, cautiously moved herself against the wall and was very nearly alarmed when she felt his cold legs press in beside her. Levi was resting with his back to the wall, right beside her.

"It'll keep us both warm," she thought he said, or mumbled more-so. And it dawned on her that Levi was probably on the verge of hypothermia, because _she_ had both of their cloaks.

Her mind blanked with shame before she inwardly began cursing and cursing her idiocy. Mikasa made to sit up and began pulling up the cloaks. And Levi drawled, "The hell are you doing?", and Mikasa said, "Sitting up." So Mikasa sat up properly, now both of their backs against the wall, side to side, and let out a long breath that clouded in front of her. She closed her eyes, immeasurably exhausted, but could feel him trembling unwillingly next to her, his body betraying how cold he was. She couldn't help it. She felt sad. Stupid. Accepted that body heat was body heat, and she didn't want to be responsible for her Corporal's death.

"I'll stay up with you a bit longer," she said, looking out the window and not at him. Majestic clouds were meandering towards the moon, preparing to cover it for some minutes. She draped both layers of cloak around them, her fingers nudging against his knuckles during this, and quickly pretended nothing had touched.

"Thoughtful of you."

She didn't know how to respond, so she just fumbled with the cloaks more until they were more adequate.

Properly situated, snuggled, sitting, and awake, Mikasa thought this was when one would normally strike up a conversation; her mind came up blank. She felt wholly young and foolish. Socializing was not something she typically did, not outside of Eren and Armin anyway. Most peoples' company was forced on her -- Jean, Sasha, and so on -- and she wracked her brain trying to think of what on earth someone would make small-talk with Corporal Levi about.

Mikasa Ackerman blurted out, "It's cold."

She literally felt herself blush, something that never happened. It was a rare moment when Mikasa could not reasonably figure out what to do with herself, though when it came to social nuances, she supposed it wasn't her forte...

But, against all odds, Levi snorted something she took to be a real laugh on his part, and he curtly replied, "Why yes, it is. Beautiful weather we're having."

A real smile of her own half-caught her lips, and she curled her knees up to her chest.

"I didn't know what to say," she said honestly. Levi tilted his head, rolling his eyes, she was sure, and he said, "I could tell. At least you're not a liar."

"Lying can be advantageous in the most important situations. Am I wrong?"

"No, no you're not wrong. Lying can save one from many a precarious situation. But, lying to me is unacceptable."

Mikasa withheld a laugh, tucking her face into her scarf.

"Noted. Do you lie often, sir?"

Levi turned to her, his eyes still piercing in the deep grey. The moment her gaze met his, every hair on her body stood, and something like a furnace swelled up in her, leaving her both burning and chilled to the bone. His expression was unreadable, unreachable, and Mikasa felt possessed to reach out and touch his skin, that dimly shone in the moonlight... But the moon had bowed to the clouds at just that moment, and she watched as his head slowly lowered, and the cover of cloud's shadows crawled over him, overtaking his form.

"No," he whispered. The air around them felt so fragile. "Not really. Not anymore."

She could feel his breath, falling just across her own mouth, and she curled her hands between her legs before she succumbed to the urge to touch him.

"Anymore?" she repeated.

"I used to do something like lying for a living... But it was a long time ago, and I'm far better at just beating things to a faceless pulp."

"Sometimes communicating that way is just easier."

"Indeed. So much less stress than dealing with paperwork and officials and brats." He said this not unkindly. Mikasa supposed he had a soft spot in him after all. "I was always more of a physical person. Which reminds me... Ackerman, before I was separated from the squad, you were one of the last people I saw, and you were butchering a fifteen meter class. How did you end up here?"

Mikasa furrowed her brow, thinking hard. Things were mostly a blur -- blood, flesh, steam, bodies -- and the sounds of her blades singing through the air, the scent of heat and unearthed soil.

"I was killing titans," she began, thoughtfully. "And then... I turned around, and no one was there. The trees were so tall I couldn't even see a trail. So I just started moving, and eventually saw a wall, and... simply came in."

 _And froze like a damned rabbit_ , she thought bitterly.

Levi made a sound of understanding.

"You?"

"Tch. I was careless. Let myself be led too far away from the formation. Thought I could take care of it."

"Mm."

Pause. A long pause. She was certain that he'd say something, something important. But it never came, as if he decided against it.

"...You should really get some sleep, you know."

"Maybe I don't want to sleep yet."

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Her cheeks exploded into red, and Mikasa crammed her eyes shut, in disbelief she had said that to her superior. _Damn it, damn it, what do I say now? I_ \--

" _Oi_. Ackerman."

Corporal Levi's nimble fingers came to rest on her chin, which he tilted up to his gaze; Mikasa was forced to look into his face. Mikasa was left to watch the traitorous clouds slowly reveal his profile again, pale light spilling into the sheltered room. His eyes were hard and taunting and looked straight through her and she felt something like her heart missing a beat, or perhaps five.

"As much as you like disobeying me, I must insist," he said softly.

Her lips parted. She had no idea what to say.

"I... You..."

"Me...?"

"I... ...Yes, sir."

The most blood-curdling crooked smile dragged across his mouth, and he almost breathed out, "Good girl." before letting her chin go and settling in comfortably.

Mikasa didn't remember falling asleep after that. She could feel, so clearly, how much warmth radiated from Corporal Levi after they'd sit together long enough, and how it all trapped so perfectly in their little cocoon. She remembered her heart racing. She remembered how at first, they were both so awkward about touching, but slowly, she'd come to let her arm rest against his, and their knees bump and stay in place, and her hand deftly remain against the sleeve of his shirt, where she could feel heat resonate from his skin underneath.

She remembered, only a little, how her head nodded forward, only to jerk back up. 

And -- she wasn't sure if she dreamt it or not -- perhaps a thin hand moving it, to rest comfortably on a strong shoulder.

\---

"Goodnight... _Mikasa_."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chapter :'( FORGIVE ME.
> 
> just kidding. it's my job to torment you, isn't it? ;)

Mikasa woke up and nearly had a heart attack.

\---

There were the sounds of birds and cicadas calling. A breeze was blowing, and she breathed in and the scent didn't match these things. It was a heady, masculine scent; it blended in with the scent of pine, almost like a strongly brewed tea. Then, she realized that she felt like she had been hit by a boulder, or twenty. She was bruised, incredibly stiff around the neck, but still comfortably sprawled and warm. 

Slowly, she opened her weary eyes, squinting in the early morning sunlight as they focused, and then adjusted to crack her neck.

She was laying on the ground now, for one. And she was nestled in very close to the wall, but also, something that was firm and warm in a way that was completely relaxing -- and, as she breathed in again, it seemed to be the source of the tea-like scent -- and she blinked, now quite awake. She tilted her head up, her cheek dragging against warm fabric, and looked right into the inquisitive gaze of Corporal Levi.

Mikasa stared. She stared longer than she realized, or meant to. Then, without a word, she reached out her hand, tentatively, and touched his buttoned-up chest, pressing, to make sure everything was real. It was. Levi seemed to be staying very still, but his eyes openly scrutinized her face, every inch of it, and Mikasa felt her hair fall across her cheek.

She said the first thing that came to mind.

"Are you awake, or are you sleeping?"

Her Corporal replied, evenly, "Having some bizarre dream, I'm sure."

There was a pause as she ascertained.

"I... see. Your... Your bruise looks worse, sir."

"Is it?" He looked only momentarily conflicted before he added with uncharacteristic sincerity, "I like that you call me 'sir', Ackerman."

There they were, laying on the wooden, decrepit floor. The sunlight streamed in from the broken window above them, filling the room with a warmth and yellow glow, and it smelled like morning. Levi looked different than usual; different in a way that she couldn't place her finger on. Wasn't this the conceited excuse of a Corporal who held a mutual disdain against her for so long? It couldn't have been. He looked too human now, more real than she could have ever remembered him being. Only small inches from his face, everything about him was magnified and tangible -- _he_ smelled like pine and musk, and it was dizzying. His eyes were very dark, a color she couldn't place, and from here she could see the faint edge of his cheekbones, thin and subtle and softening into a flattering jawline. His brow, too, was sharp, and fit perfectly over his usually piercing gaze, but now it only left a faint crease in the center as he studied her in turn.

Then, his mouth. This was the most dangerous part of him. Levi's mouth was smooth and steady, moved perfectly when he spoke to others: enunciating every drawling, sarcastic, caustic remark, and snapping out every calm and calculated command. It was a mouth that was the weapon for his control, his power. Every centimeter he lacked in stature was made up for with his words. Many soldiers had impressive skills and ability on the battlefield, and each and every one of them could be crushed under the weight of Levi's cruel tongue.

It was dangerous, because his eyes, she realized too late, followed hers. Saw her looking at his mouth. Mikasa wasn't sure what her face looked like, in that instant, and knee-jerk reaction won over as she stumbled over her words, "...You're... You're welcome...? I, um, should find you-something-foryourhead."

Her heart was racing so loudly she was sure that he could hear it, and she thought her face felt hot, and the rush of mortification at her current state in front of her Corporal motivated her to react. With great difficulty, she hurled herself out of "bed" as hastily as possible, and she tried not to look suspicious (she was not very successful). A voice in her head sighed at her, and another had a meltdown, and another didn't say anything because it was currently in a ball in the corner, pretending none of this was happening. No, no she hadn't gotten separated from her troop like some stupid rookie. Not at all! And of course she didn't remain lost and unable to rejoin them. And, ha-ha, there was no way in hell she wound up in an abandoned town in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by titans and with her knees locked. And above all, it was _impossible_ that her Corporal had been the person to find her, and he be lost as well! So since that was _impossible_ , her waking curled against one very half-asleep Corporal Levi was utterly _unthinkable_!

Of course.

Mikasa touched her fingertips to her hot cheeks, her mind racing as she tried to count her breaths and calm down. What was she going to do now? Right, right, she needed to get redressed. She needed to find food, maybe, and go get medicine, because his bruise looked agonizing. Mikasa did a splendid job of failing to keep her balance as she shoved her boots on, her back to her Corporal as she tugged on her jacket and scratched her fingers through her thick hair. Her gear was heavier than she remembered, and awkwardly loud as it clanged on, and her trembling fingers seemed to fumble with the buckles in a way they didn't use to. But she got it, and once she meticulously unwound and repositioned her scarf, she was set to go, and ready to stop feeling a pair of eyes on her back, and--

"Ackerman."

Mikasa halted, and spun in place, peculiarly not able to make eye contact with the person who the voice belonged to and opting to burn a hole in the ground with her staring instead. In a pile of dirt and fractured pebbles, a tiny centipede crawled away.

"Yes, sir?" _Sir_. Ugh. Her stomach rolled, and it almost felt good. That reminded her, she was sorely hungry, and noted to look for anything edible while she searched for any herbs she could use for his wound.

Levi was sitting up properly now, mussing his hair tiredly and yawning.

"Out of curiosity, why are you so attached to that old scarf?"

_Of all the questions to ask_... Indignant, and maybe a little embarrassed to be discussing this with him of all people, Mikasa begrudgingly replied, "Eren Jaeger gave it to me." _Not that it's any of your damn business._

She continued to move towards the doorway -- a rich, dark blue and peeling around the edges.

"So? You never take the thing off. It isn't nailed to your throat, is it?"

This conversation was ridiculous. Mikasa frowned, and stopped again, and said petulantly, "No, it is not nailed to my neck. It's very precious to me, because... he gave it to me when he saved my life. If you're planning on taking it from me, I--."

"Saved? I never thought I'd hear someone other than me had to save your ass, of all people."

Emotions she couldn't pin down roiled in Mikasa's chest. She felt boiled over and empty, and in her head, was hit with a vivid mixture of the sunshine at her old home and the smell of her mother's garden, and the sound of stew cooking, and how rich it tasted. Of her father's arms, and her mother's hands guiding her own through needlepoint.

Then, the coppery scent of blood in the air and how it feels on your tongue no matter how tightly you hold your breath. The valley of her mother's neck, gaping and crimson as the sunset. Eren's voice that was already too large for his young body, shattering the world around her, a blade splintering between her tiny hands...

"I was very young," she stated, not a hint of distress in her voice. "It was the day I lost my family. Eren saved me, and gave me this scarf before his family took me in. Now, if you would excuse me, I need to go. I'll be back in an hour."

She was certain he'd said something after this, telling her to halt or wait or hold on, but she focused hard on going outside. Sunshine trickled through the town as she stepped out and the morning was fresh and dewy, and her presence had startled away a little flock of doves pecking at the ground. She stormed away, leaving her superior behind her, and stuck to the long shadows that the early sun had cast across the crumbling buildings.

Truly she was glad to be distracted. Around her, she couldn't hear any footsteps or groans, which hopefully meant the titans were not near. But the overgrown town was still full of life. When danger wasn't quite present, and when she forgot that she was starving and alone and could plausibly die at any moment, the world here was enchanting and story like -- like a beautiful, old, forgotten garden she could've dreamt up as a child.

Indeed, flowers seemed to be emblazoned across the old cobblestone road, most of which was packed away under years of mulch, but there were daisies and vines and trees growing straight up out of some of the homes. Verdant mosses hung from aged signs and torch holders and overhangings. A movement caught the corner of her eye in one home, and she saw a barn owl taking refuge for sleep in the rafters. The symphony of wind in the heavy branches, and chirping insects and chattering songbirds all rolled down the alleyways and surrounded her, and store signs and boughs creaked as the breeze lazily went on by, sending her hair flying.

It was a unbelievably inviting day. Mikasa breathed in and smelled nothing but lively, clean air, and remembered where she really was and what was really happening; but, thought it better to not dwell on it. She popped open her pouch and took a swig of water, swishing it around her mouth and swallowing. Remembering the providential well, she considered visiting it to splash water on her face.

But until then, she needed good herbs to work with, and maybe a way to acquire food.

(And, honestly, to get a break from one injured Corporal, and all the trouble that his presence brought with him.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: YOOOOOOO can i get a hell fucking yeah for breaking the 10k word mark!?!?!? ~ヾ(＾∇＾) hooray!! this is only the second time i've done this!!!

The morning stroll lasted some time before Mikasa started considering giving up. She had walked the perimeter in contemplative silence and finally returned to the boulevard to go to the well, only to see a splotch of yellow in a house gutter. Mikasa squinted at it before she wandered over, peering up to examine a little patch of bright yellow flowers that nearly looked like daisies. But if she were in luck... They seemed too small, and their leaves were a little fuzzy, and she smiled as she grappled onto the roof, shooing away a honeybee, and plucking away a few sprouts of what she knew to be flourishing arnica. It was exactly what she was hoping for.

She opted next to find a good, round stone, and maybe venture into a few houses for a passable bowl or cup. This was more difficult, but one home had an entire dinner set, caked in dirt and mold, mostly uncracked. The stone wasn't of much consequence -- any that could comfortably fit in her hand was fine -- and Mikasa settled on one she found just outside of the well.

Certainly she looked a little silly. She had taken off her jacket to carry the plateware in more quietly and easily. She needed the quiet to make sure she didn't attract any passing titans -- however, most peculiarly, the titans seemed to stray away from this little sanctuary, probably assuming rightfully that they had demolished it of human life (however, one did stumble by some distance away and Mikasa had to make a spectacular dive for the bushes; it didn't see her, and went on its way). Now, her jacket was slung over her shoulder, and the arnica was tucked carefully behind her ear.

So then came the question of food.

Food, more than likely, meant going outside the wall. Mikasa doubted waiting for deer to roam in would be productive, but she was also concerned that hunting meant having to take Levi with her. She was stubborn, and fiercely independent, but Mikasa knew going outside alone was probable suicide, and that was something she did not intend on risking.

When she arrived at the well, she stopped to let herself think.

The water was just as cool and refreshing as she remembered, and she gladly dripped some along her neck and splashed more on her face. It made a pretty sound as the droplets fell back into the well, and Mikasa stood there with her arms rested on the stone as she stared into the hole, and her thoughts drifted.

She wondered if Eren was okay. The thought of Eren Jaeger brought the burning of tears to her eyes, and her body shook a little, but she shut her eyes and bit it back.

She wondered if the rest of the group had made it back. No, no... how _many_ of them had made it back. She was sure in her bones they did. Equally certain that Eren had been one of them. He was strong and passionate, and something about him made him seem so immortal, though she knew fully well he wasn't. A small smile came across her lips, and she leaned down, resting her head on her arms.

She hoped she would get to see him again. Dying in the woods, alone, didn't feel very right to her at all.

"No... not alone," she murmured to herself. Her words echoed down the stone walls and back up again. Fascinated and childlike, she spoke again.

"Corporal Levi is with me." Corporal Levi is with me, Corporal Levi is with me, Levi is with me, _with me_.

_We won't die out here. Not here, not now. I won't let it happen._

A small sound from her left spurned her from her little bubble, and Mikasa's head shot up to see a rabbit gingerly making its way down the road. Her heart hardened, gaze stiffened. If she could catch it... A passing thought -- Levi smirking at her, impressed, thanking her for being capable. She shook her head fiercely and tried to imagine creative ways to kill the hare.

Mikasa was there for a full few minutes contemplating on how best to go about it. She was too slow to run up at it, and too loud to sneak up on it. She could fix her speed by using her gear, but she needed to preserve the gas she had left if at all possible.

She didn't have the string -- or the know-how -- to craft a bow and arrows, but a spear might do.

Then it hit her.

With all the stealth she could muster, Mikasa found her balance, and fell lightly and silently to her knees like a ghost. Using her fingertips for support, she daintily began crawling forward, a cat stalking its prey.

The rabbit was seemingly unused to human presence, as it nervously hopped a little further away, but continued foraging.

_Ignore me. Stay there. Stay still._

She inched forward. Tension was tight in her thighs, and a bead of absent water rolled down her temple, mingling with sweat. The rabbit seemed stationary, and Mikasa went for her triggers with painstaking slowness, gripping them tightly in her hands and adjusting the trajectory of her hips...

_Now!_

The hooks burst from their holds more loudly than Mikasa had ever heard before, and birds frantically pelted from the boughs they hid in nearby, sending leaves and acorns falling to the ground. The rabbit bolted, and Mikasa watched with her breath held for the one second where the wire trailed after the creature, and the stupid thing was too fast, and changing its running pattern, and Mikasa hissed a swear as the hooks _ping_ ed fruitlessly against the cobblestone road.

She wasn't giving up. From her crouching position, Mikasa sprang out, hurtling herself after the animal. She caught a lot of ground fairly quickly, and saw the thing start orienting itself towards bushes, and Mikasa cussed again, narrowing her eyes.

 _I have time for one more shot_.

She calculated in microseconds, hyperfocused on the rabbit's feet, watching its direction and speed, and she tilted herself, and aligned, and then pulled the trigger again.

The hook sailed hard and true. It sliced the air where it went by, and more doves abandoned the roads and alleys near her, frightened of the noise and conflict, and then, with a dull _clang_ , Mikasa stared at a dead rabbit, pierced clean through the back.

She sighed a perfectly exalted breath and untensed, completely and utterly relieved and disbelieving she had made it, and it had worked. Mikasa went to retrieve her catch, and carefully slid her hook closed before pulling it out of the hare.

It was brown, and not very large, but it was food. Mikasa lifted the body by the ears, and made her way back to the well, where she retrieved her jacket, and then started back towards Corporal Levi, feeling much better than she did when she had walked out.

\---

_Where is that damn girl?_

Levi was unhappy. Unhappy was an understatement. Levi was infuriated.

He had, to start, fallen asleep whilst being on watch, something that had literally never happened in his life. He had stayed awake for three days at a time, easily, and here he was, with a minor bruise and in a surprisingly comfortable shelter, and he had passed the fuck out.

But, it didn't end there. He had passed the fuck out on _Mikasa Ackerman_. Yes, the other member of Humanity's Strongest. Yes, the one with the ink-black hair, with the licorice-coloured eyes who could beat a corpse in a staring contest. Yes, indeed, the one with the stupid scarf, and the quiet temper, and merciless battle capabilities.

The one who who called him ' _sir_ ' in a way that made the hair on his neck stand on end.

He'd fallen asleep on her, after letting her fall asleep on him ( _she was so goddamn warm and criminally soft and made him think of..._ ). And he recalled, just, momentarily resting his head on hers, catching the scent of her hair which was so plainly her and feminine, which surprised him somehow, and then he remembered opening his eyes to rich sunrise lighting, a cool breeze, and her body comfortably curled around his on the ground.

Not entirely awake, he stared at her for some time. He studied her features, unaware of time passing. She looked so different when she slept. Her brow was normally stern and she always held such an austere expression, which he respected, but... there was something to be said for a peaceful Mikasa Ackerman. A content Mika-- _Ackerman_ , who wasn't concerned with reminding him of his height and disobeying his orders, and lusting after that Jaeger brat.

And now, in a display of sheer brilliance, after getting to watch her gear up (Levi refused to acknowledge the way his gut clenched every single time she fastened a belt around her thigh, and how he finally had to look away), he had driven her out of the damn house and she'd been gone for an hour, and frankly? Levi was steadily growing anxious that he shouldn't have let her go.

His migraine didn't help any.

And then he heard footsteps; her figure appeared at the entrance.

_Is this a joke? This must be a joke. Ackerman has finally snapped and decided to try out her using funny bone._

Mikasa Ackerman came inside, scraping the filth off her boots at the doorsteps. He thought maybe he felt his heart twitch. And she was standing there, then, with her jacket balled over her shoulder like a knapsack, and flowers -- fucking flowers -- in her hair, and a dead rabbit in her free hand, hole going clean through it and blood dried on its fur.

Levi didn't say a goddamn word.

"Are you okay?"

Mikasa glanced at him as she asked, her gaze back to being dutifully reserved, but he caught her tucking her bottom lip into her scarf and knew better. _Fucking hell, Ackerman._

"I'm... fine," he replied unsurely, still attempting to process the vision of the newfound forest goddess. "I see you haven't learned how to play nice with the wildlife."

She gave him a withering look, and said, "I can put the rabbit back, if you'd like."

 _Tch._ "I suppose I can let it slide. So, how did you convince the thing to put a hole in itself?"

"I shot it."

"With?"

Mikasa rolled her head, cracking her neck followed by a yawn as she dragged out a somewhat rotting table from the corner of the home. She laid out her jacket on it, the clinking and slight shine of the contents revealing what seemed to be aged bowls and plates and cups. And a rock.

_God help me, she's going to kill me._

"The 3D Maneuver Gear."

Levi blinked. And stared.

"And what are the flowers for?"

"They're mountain arnica. They're a useful treatment for bruises and sprains."

Something seemed off. They remained in silence, with Levi watching her procure a bowl from the heap of dishes and pluck a flower from her hair, placing it in the bowl and then pouring a bit of water from her pouch into it.

_You're kidding me._

Then, she took the rock into her hands, and began grinding. It was a makeshift pestle and mortar.

And then, it dawned on him.

She was purposefully avoiding calling him 'sir'.

Corporal Levi leaned back against the wall, eyes closed, trying to withdraw his smirk.

"You're really something else, aren't you, Ackerman."

Mikasa ignored all traces of his teasing and replied, "As long as I am strong, I'm fine with that." She plucked another flower from her hair, and added it to her bowl. Levi was horribly amused. On the table beside her, steadily bleeding, was the dead rabbit that she pulled out of her ass. Doing no good there, he figured now was a good a time as ever to get up and actually do something.

Finally, she turned to him, pausing her work.

"I don't think you should be getting up yet." If she thought he was some sort of cripple who was going to lay around all while she played housewife, she had another thing coming.

"I'm perfectly fine, as I keep reminding you. Now, did you happen to find any flint while you were treasure hunting?"

In a split second, in the midst of him cracking bones and kneeling as he tried to start getting up, feeling sorer than ever, she had whipped something out of her pocket and tossed it to him. It was fast, but he nabbed it with a scowl.

_Christ, is there any corpse this brat didn't unearth?_

"Be careful, sir."

Oh? Sir again? Music to his ears. 

"Ackerman, I have slain inordinate amounts of titans. I have lead entire units through battles, I have killed people, and I am your superior officer. Enlighten me as to why you think I will set the entire damn building on fire."

The sound of the stone on the bowl, grating and mushy and clinking, filled the air. Mikasa paused only to push her hair back, and she never added the last flower.

"I never said I thought you'd burn the place down. Moving around more than necessary can worsen your wound, and like I said, I'd be grateful if I didn't have to haul your body back to quarters."

Levi sighed. What happened to the temperamental girl who seemed so ready to bite his head off? It pissed him off. She was making him useless and handicapped, but... he knew she wasn't doing it purposefully -- she simply wanted to make it out of here alive, and she wanted him to make it back with her. No differently than if it had been the other way around.

His gaze softened on the floor, and he replied, "But I'd sooner be carrying you back than the other way around. Don't get ahead of yourself."

He didn't catch her smile; her hair was covering her face, too much in the way.

Mikasa was protectively reluctant, but let him go outside to get enough wood to start a flame in the fireplace. He came back with his arms full, looking somewhat ridiculous, but she had the decency not to say anything and they soon had a small fire going. The rabbit would've also been his responsibility, however, when she caught him ready to behead the creature, she swiped it from him and cleanly skinned it instead.

He was not pleased.

He didn't question the turning in his stomach, not all unpleasant, as he watched her cut and cook the thing, the way the firelight hit her skin, looking uncannily familiar to a way he’d seen her before.

Like the way she looked when she was in the middle of an abandoned town, basking in the full glow of the setting sun.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's day!!! i celebrated last night because my significant other and i didn't want to endure waiting for a table forever at olive garden :| anyway it was REALLY nice and he dressed up for once in his life and was a charming bastard. i hope all of you have a good valentine's day, and tell someone that you love them, whether it's your date, your family, your friend, or your fictional character of choice! <3
> 
> p.s. this chapter is hella sexy. you are duly warned.
> 
> enjoy!

"Can you please stay still?"

"I'm still eating."

One cooked rabbit and three arguments later, she was currently being more meddlesome, now trying to smear her medicinal salve on him. It was cold, and smelled grassy, and Levi was one hundred percent sure it was going to make him look like a fool, poison him, or both.

"Thank you."

She said the words under her breath; she probably said them out of habit more than anything. But Levi struggled less, and it quietly became apparent to him -- the proximity between him and her, how she was practically in his lap but she didn't look nearly as angry as him. Her skin was a little damp with sweat, but she rubbed it away on the sleeve of her shoulder, and resumed looking intently focused on his bruise. Never once did she press too hard, or scratch him, or hurt him -- her fingers were cool and precise and when he stopped to pay attention, the salve was actually very soothing on his injury.

_How the hell does she have the know-how to do this, anyway?_

"You're good at this," he muttered, and she looked at him. He wasn't ready for it, the intensity of a stare that was quiet and genuine, and he forgot himself when he saw her mouth move as she said, "Thanks." Her mouth was infinitely more pleasing when she smiled. Levi irritably averted his gaze.

"How'd you learn apothecary methods?"

"My adopted father was a doctor."

_Adopted? Ah, of course, the Jaeger brat._

"So you got hurt a lot."

"Not really. I just watched him."

It was a testament to her ability. And Levi had the feeling that was truly all there was to it -- Mikasa simply watched and learned. He had no doubt she probably knew how to treat burns, bites, lacerations, what have you, and it left him feeling more impressed than anything.

Mikasa Ackerman was clever and he had to give her that.

"That should be enough for now. I'll try storing what I have left, and it should last another day or so."

The next words hung in the air, potently unspoken. Levi, before then, was more easily distracted due to the throbbing pain of his bruise that enveloped his entire head straight to his jaw and left his neck tense, but her salve was settling in, and the longer the silence dragged on, the more acutely aware of it he was. Slowly, surely, mercifully, his ears which had been ringing (he'd become desensitized to it overnight), cleared up and he heard the life of the woods outside. His vision in his left eye, once vague and watery, turned crisp and bright. The pain ebbed. His balance returned to his head.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, watching his expression carefully. She must've known it was working. Levi turned away, unwilling to meet her eyes as he admitted, "I'm fine. ...The medicine is good, thank you." _God_ , that was hard to say to her. No... no, it wasn't. His gut reaction was very much against throwing around such flaky pleasantries, but deep in him, genuinely, he meant it. The relief was honestly divine.

When he looked up, Mikasa was averting her gaze to a moth hovering around the banisters against the ceiling, and her nose was tucked into her old scarf. But her eyes were creased around the corners, and it did not escape him that his subordinate was pleased.

But there wasn't time to enjoy it. In the distance, they both heard the rumbling sound of a heavy, slow gait, one that could only belong to one foul creature. And the words that hung in the air returned, the elephant in the room.

Levi didn't say it. He stayed in his own head, comfortable, soaking in the vision of dust and dirt filtering through the sunlight, and Mikasa staring distantly into the flight pattern of the moth, a shadow in her eyes, hair tucked behind her ears -- complemented by a single flower.

It was almost captivating.

"...We need to go soon, sir."

Mikasa's soft voice didn't stir him from his daydream. A strand of dark hair slipped and caught on her eyelashes, but she paid it no mind and reached out, absently letting the moth alight on her fingernail. It flapped its wings in a few short, harsh beats, before settling. Mikasa's eyes were still dark, far away, but he caught her head tilted towards the sound of the titan, still listening carefully as she observed the moth.

He didn't reply. He knew. She'd said the words that they both had on their mind, and Levi now had to steel himself for being directly in the path of danger again.

As for a plan, he'd already tentatively thought it out. He had a solid amount of gas left, definitely enough to make it back and kill whatever titans were in the way, but he'd checked Mikasa's tanks and found her worse off than him. It should've been enough to get her back, too, but she had less room for error than he. But it was Mikasa, and she was capable nearly to a fault. She'd be responsible enough to not be wasteful, right?

Her shifting distracted him, and he saw her mouth turn down in the corner as the moth fluttered away, out the window, her gaze following it forlornly. Maybe it was the medicine, or maybe it was the heat creeping in, or the unfamiliar territory. But Levi absently stroked the silk of his worn cravat, and saw images flash through his head -- Mikasa's limbs, gracelessly strewn across the ground; Mikasa's shrieks, filling the air in a way he could barely endure; Mikasa's scarf, ratty and sopping with her blood in a heap on the ground; Mikasa's eyes, and the light leaving them.

"Switch gas tanks with me."

Mikasa's brow knit in the center. "Why?"

"Don't make me spell it out, and don't question me for once."

Unsurprisingly, her calm demeanor went out with the moth, and she scowled.

"I want a good reason."

Her agreeable mood gone, Levi was left with the nagging sensation that was habit -- the need to put her back in her place. He knew she had very strong priorities and ambitions when compared to most soldiers, though they weren't quite what they should've been -- she was the type to disobey orders, you see, and while he admired her conviction, there was just... _something_ in him that required that submission. Because, if she was running around disobeying orders, she could wreak havoc during a mission, and the importance of that was a hundredfold more paramount in their current predicament. Because she may have been _good_ , but she wasn't good _enough_ to act like that. Because she was still a self-righteous brat who dared to defy him so brazenly.

At least, it was what he told himself.

Because also, secretly, he yearned for it. Because Levi received a delicate, heady pleasure out of exerting his power to show someone he was in control, he was above them, he was the one making the calls, he was not to be trifled with unless they desired a harsh and unforgettable punishment.

 _The medicine is making me delusional_ , he spiritlessly thought to himself, but he was already walking forward, craning his head and narrowing his eyes to dangerous slits as he stared at her.

"Tell me, what drives you to whine like an infant every time I request something of you?" His voice was low, deceptively calm. "Is it because I smacked around your boyfriend a little bit? Do I threaten you with my status and experience, and superior set of skills? Do enlighten me, Ackerman. I am so earnest to know."

He was walking towards her, and she seemed to be standing her ground until her foot moved back. Slowly, patiently, Levi herded her to the wall. He put on his most authoritative drawl as he continued, "I've killed more titans in a day than you have in your short life. And here you are, being belligerent as usual, because you're more inclined to let your petty, personal problems get in the way of our mission succeeding..."

"I am _not_ letting my problems inhibit _anything_ \--"

He instantly hissed, "Quiet, _girl_."

There it was. Her voice died in her throat, words leaving her tongue in knots, and then, like a switch had flicked, something in the very marrow of her eyes changed. Something softened, something became apparent in way her chin tilted down and she looked affronted but yet could not bring herself to keep arguing. She looked ready to explode, and simply could not.

Obedience. It was sweet, morbid obedience.

Her back was to the wall, and Levi felt his lips curl, leaning in very close to her and letting his fingers drift down an absent strand of her hair, encroaching and dominating her personal space, giving her no room to escape.

"Listen to me," he said quietly, voice both alluring and powerful. "We're going to leave from the north-easternmost segment of the wall, and stick in a close-proximity diagonal position with myself in the front. We will not engage in battle if at all possible -- it's important that we conserve our fuel and make it back as soon as possible. If we are forced to engage, let me initiate and follow my lead. Our priority is to end engagement as quickly as possible, without injury, wasteful gas, or drawing in more titans. Understood?"

Mikasa gave him a withering look -- pouting, even, for the love of god -- and nodded reluctantly. He was making progress.

But, he couldn't resist.

"Use your big girl words, Ackerman."

Mikasa's lip curled. "Yes."

"Yes what."

If asked later, when his heart rate had returned to normal and he'd had time to replay the memory over and over in his head, Levi would have to say that this moment was one of his favorites. Mikasa looked to be melting a little -- her eyes, the color and depth of night waters, broke through. There was real vulnerability. He felt far closer to her than he could remember being with anyone, and it was frightening and exhilarating because it was so apparent that she felt it, too, blinking too much and her breath hitching and her lips parting with silent breath. Her brow coiled in, because her mind knew to naturally react with anger, but it was only a half-hearted facade, because then she corrected herself, "Yes, _sir_." And then Levi was lost.

They stood there, silent and miring in the tight air and roiling sensation his and her words had brought upon them. Mikasa looked breathless and Levi had never wanted anything more than to kiss her senselessly. _What a stupid idea_ , he thought, though the words felt completely fake. _The medicine is making me a fool_ , he thought next, but this felt like a lie, too. _Stop_ , he thought, and this thought won.

It took everything -- _everything_ \-- in Levi to pry himself away from Mikasa Ackerman. It was slow, and his gaze remained ever on hers as he drew away, withdrawing his hands from the wall and her hair. It was hard. Miserable. Wrong. The further he pulled away, the more he could see those walls appear in her eyes, shutting him and the rest of the world out in a place where she could be safe. He understood that all too well, understood more than he wanted to. Her posture shifted back into defensiveness, arms crossing and lips pursing, and she rubbed her arm uncomfortably, clearing her throat, but never speaking.

The weight of the situation settled on his shoulders like iron and steel. In a short time, they would be heading out into hell again. Mikasa's life would be in very real danger, as would his. He might see her die, or be violently, permanently harmed. He might have to make the decision to leave her or stay and die with her, if it came to the worst. There was comfort in the knowledge of his skill, and hers, and combined how they'd at least have a fighting chance. And yet...

He took a long drink from his pouch, sighed.

"Let's fill up our canteens and head out. I'd like to get back to the shithole called home."


	7. Chapter 7

He didn't think he'd be able to make himself keep walking, for he had to unwillingly admit that this was one of the first times in his life he was heading into the realm of titans with the odds glaringly against him. He didn't have the lives of his men on his back to propel him, and there was no steadfast plan from Erwin for him to lean on. He felt immeasurably tense, his throat felt dry no matter how much he drank, and the strain made his skull throb quietly. Every leaf that crunched underfoot was cannon fire to his ears, and no matter how gloriously blue the sky was and pleasantly warm the temperature of the sunshine, he could not bring himself to his normal composure.

Worse still, he needed to save face in front of the girl. Mika-- Ackerman looked probably very similar to him, with her brow taut and her mouth a hard line... but her breaths coming too quickly and her heart racing underneath, pretending that this didn't faze her at all.

"Corporal?"

His head instantly snapped up to face her, and he answered in a forcibly bored tone, "Hm?" He glanced away before she could see any anxiety he harbored in his lines of his eyes.

What he did not expect was for Mikasa's to gently find his arm and say, "We're going to make it back."

His response was instantaneous and acerbic: "You don't know that."

Mikasa pressed on anyway. "No. We won't lose. We can't. You and I are the best, and we haven't come this far to die now. We still have things to do. People to go back to. This is trivial in comparison to any normal mission."

"Has anyone ever told you how ridiculous you are? That your naiveté will be the death of you?"

"Sir."

She halted with the firm word, and Levi did, too, her hand still held fast to his sleeve like a burning coal. He was forced, then, to turn to her and give her his full attention, scowling, but Mikasa's gaze scorched harder than he'd ever seen, her protective shroud suddenly very gone and leaving him face-to-face with a brilliant anger; a passion he could not deny.

She almost seemed taller with determination; her throat bobbed as she swallowed, and her lips pressed together before she could bring herself to speak. 

"With all due respect, I have no intentions on returning alone. You told me you were stronger than me. You told every one of us that you had killed more titans than all of us combined. I know you don't want to hear this from someone of my standing, but accept it or not, I am just as capable of holding my own as you are. I think I can understand. Of… of course I'm afraid to die. I'm scared, I’m always scared that I will never get to see the faces of the people I care about again. I cannot protect them, remember them, see them live, if I am dead. I know it must be the same for you, even if only a little." Her voice wavered for a moment, and he saw the difficulty she was having with getting the words out. She could scarcely keep the eye contact with him. "So... please, I'm asking you to remember your strength and move forward. You've... been a... good Corporal. I could say even trust you a little bit; everyone else does. Even in this hellhole humanity has had to endure, you created hope for the people, something they can look up to. You are... you're..." Her hands clenched into fists, and she swallowed hard again. "I just want-- I mean, you just... have to make it back alive, with me. That's all."

Levi stood there, quiet, for some time as Mikasa Ackerman's rushed declaration hung in the air. It was pathetic, really, the more he thought about; not her speech, no no no, but the fact that she felt she had to say it. Was he really becoming so weak? A forcibly deep breath and closed eyes helped him center himself again, to think more clearly. The medicine really must have been getting to him -- they needed to get back so he could get this shit washed off ASAP.

"...I know," he finally said after some time. "I know." Then, somewhat scornfully, "You should have more important things to fret over than me, Ackerman."

She didn't reply to that, but he did feel the absence of her hand pulling away from him -- and she looked a little irritated, but her cheeks seemed redder and it was still becoming; Levi felt his heart twist to his throat. He shoved it back down.

"Ready?" she asked, not looking at him.

"Of course. Remember my orders, or I'll shred that scarf."

She decided to ignore the comment, and with a pair of resounding bangs, their gear was sailing into the wall and they were climbing up and over, back into the war zone that was Shiganshina.

Fed and watered and stiff from a night's sleep on the floor, bursting through the billowing trees freely and stretching her arms and legs was a welcome change. The wind hit her face, pulling and whipping her hair along with her scarf, and her boots tapped lightly and surely on every branch she bounded off of. 

Mikasa spent the better part of their journey somewhere between her head and a meaningless point in the distance. 

As to be expected, her thoughts were a painful mix that she didn't quite know how to deal with. So, she did what she knew, which was repeating firm statements in her mind to quell the deluge, and then disconnecting. Breathe in, breathe out.

Over and over, she went over how to grip her blades properly, how to shift them in her hands depending on the angle of attack and target anatomy. Levi trounced along from the corner of her eye -- he was a concern, too. Both a reassurance and a liability if she were being realistic. There was the very real and frightening possibility that he might weigh her down, for she knew his injury wasn't minor. She knew he was withholding the real extent of his pain. She knew if he lost focus, it would be so easy for him to misstep and go hurtling to the ground, or into the jaws of a titan. These thoughts filled her with an anxiety so strong -- and not from concern for herself, but for him.

They traveled in this silence. Mikasa dwelled on her awkward monologue, and his incomprehensible expression. Even if it was just the two of them, it was imperative that they act as a functioning squad, and bound by the promise to follow his orders, Levi’s mind needed to be clear and rational.

And, Mikasa thought bittersweetly, there had been a lot of times when Eren had been there to ease her mind before a dangerous situation.

 _Eren_.

Mikasa’s heart ached painfully for a brief moment, followed by a strong wave of fear and yearning to be back, and she pushed it away to focus on her form.

But the air smelled good and verdant, and as every pair of coils caught, Mikasa rocked her hips in minute movements, adjusting her weight to effortlessly soar past the gargantuan trees. The act gave her an inner sense of balance in a way that started emotionally and transferred to physically. It was therapeutic, in a sense, and it felt like she was more in control than before. Like she could do this. Like she would truly make it back, and not die in this unforgiving place.

Moving closer to Levi, she saw his eyes earnestly scanning their surroundings, reminding her that she could not afford to get lost in her own thoughts just yet. She, too, needed to be constantly alert, in case of even the smallest sign of trouble.

It was lucky she did.

Just as her feet touched and pushed off from a fat branch that shuddered in her wake, making needles sprinkle to the ground, a distinctly human-like face the size of a small home appeared. It had giant blue eyes, bloodshot, and crinkles around its raw-looking mouth. When it saw them, it smiled so widely she thought its lips might split at the edges.

“Fall back!” Levi shouted without a moment’s hesitation, and mid-swing, Mikasa’s lines snapped off-kilter, the titan having startled her off-balance. It took an extra second to recover, and with a pounding, furious heart, Mikasa shot off after Levi, who was rapidly retreating.

“Should we attack?” Mikasa asked loud enough for him to hear over the banging of their gear.

“No. We’ll backtrack to make it lose us, then go around.”

She knew, of course she knew, that Levi was fast and brutal in the air, but with the goal of escape in mind, he was more swift and volatile than a bullet. Mikasa had to throw her weight into her leaps to keep astride of him, surprised at his intense speed. He was barely even touching his gas.

A gust hit her back.

Jerking backwards, Mikasa’s eyes gaped at the titan that was somehow right behind them, its hand outstretched from a swipe to grab her that was way too close for comfort. The titan, now that she could see it clearly, had a nearly skeletal, starved-looking body, but fat muscles bulged in its arms and calves. It panted heavily, like a rabid dog, and moved after them with a psychotic fervor that left her in a state of near panic. It was so close. It was right there. It almost touched her. Eren. Eren. Levi. No.

“Corporal!”

Levi’s head snapped back, and she saw the identical terror reach his own stony gaze. A violent grimace spread on his lips, and he snarled out, “Move up into the canopy cover!”

The idea of springing up instead of away from the titan was horrifying, but Mikasa didn’t find it wise to argue with her Corporal just now. Her legs moved before she could think to, and with one buck of her powerful thighs, she rocketed up past ten branches, twigs and pine needles whipping across her cheeks and stinging her skin. Close by, she could hear the sounds of Levi crashing through the boughs as well, but couldn't see him, and she clamored, “Sir, location?!”

“Mikasa! Follow my voice! We’re going to try and lose him in the branches.”

No convincing was necessary. Every bone in her body ached with unfamiliar distress to have Levi in her sights and have him close again. The thought of being alone was suddenly numbing. The thought of Levi being gone was near-crippling.

“Mikasa... Mikasa. Mikasa, Come here. You’re doing fine. Keep moving towards me.”

Panicking, trembling, hyperventilating, consumed with thoughts of being devoured, his voice was a hymn. Each syllable he spoke resonated in her, capturing, ensnaring her, pulling her fiercely toward him. It was a voice that could promise sanctuary.

“Mikasa, make sure your cloak is pulled up. Keep following my voice. Keep moving. Mikasa. Mikasa.”

Not a note he said wavered or broke. It was a steady command. There was a fresh scrape at her neck and it burned with tree sap, but she thrusted forward, scrambling with fervor through the foliage to reach the source of the voice. With one free, badly shaking hand, she weakly pulled her hood up, acutely aware of the titan that was hovering an unknown distance behind her.

“Mikasa...”

She couldn't help herself. Her own voice trembling, she pleaded. “Levi?”

She heard the body of the titan rippling behind her, and the cacophony made it impossible to tell where it actually was. Her knee hit a knot in a branch and it hurt bad, making her stumble, but she buckled forward and she was suddenly looking into the unrelenting eyes of her Corporal, his hand straining out for her. Hit with a surge of desperation, she jumped forth with too much force, and crashed into arms instead; but Levi was smooth and captured her hand in his, and he found her waist with the other, somehow supporting her weight on their feeble branch -- his strength must be incredible, she realized -- but less than a second later she was on her feet and he quietly ordered her to follow close.

Mikasa hoped, and wished, and prayed that the titan would give up the chase. With every passing second, she so badly hoped that the sounds of the grunting predator would cease, and that it would be replaced with nothing but the sound of the wind whipping in her ears and Levi’s gear firing ahead in front of her. But there was only the ugly cracks of wood breaking, creaking as the timeless trees were felled by the monster.

She didn’t have to say anything. Levi growled out a venomous, low oath of fury, before barking out, “We have to engage. Mikasa, stay high in the trees, try to drag it up. I’ll start detaching tendons. Don’t do anything stupid!”

And Levi had spiraled down, faster than she could even see. The animalistic fear struck true in her core again, as she could no longer see him, but her body moved instinctively. As if she were dancing, Mikasa moved gracefully, urgently from branch to branch, primordial timber to timber, breathing rapid and shallow as she spared only enough thought to mark herself a path through the labyrinth of wood to guide the titan to its demise.

Behind her, faintly, she could hear Levi moving, too, with precision, and then now and then the sharp cutting of his blades kissing their mark. The titan groaned and yowled with complaint, and Mikasa felt it slow down as Levi disabled it.

Mikasa slid further up a tree, wondering if she could dislodge the abnormally swift and agile titan -- now that she thought about it, it was probably aberrant -- before dipping lower and finding five titans, all at least 25 meters, wandering in their direction.

Words died in her throat. Her heart stopped for one, two beats, then her terror composed her enough to shriek, “TITANS!”

Stupid, stupid, stupid, _stupid_! Their fight was so fucking noisy, of course it would attract more! Mikasa had to stop herself from screaming or going after the behemoths herself, and biting her lip hard, she leapt downwards and around the pursuing titan to find Levi.

“Levi!” Mikasa bellowed, adrenaline submerging her in angry frustration. “There’s five more just ahead!”

Levi growled out “ _Fuck_.” and sprung to her side a moment later, his blades speckled with scarlet. The titan was mostly handicapped, and rapidly losing its ability to climb -- they were safe for the moment.

“...We’ll have to tactically retreat back to the abandoned town. We’re not going to make it through this shitstorm with just the gas we have.”

Mikasa grit her teeth as the reality and the anguish set in. He was right. He was perfectly, unarguably right.

He didn’t look at her, just fired his gear and took off toward the way they’d come. Behind them, there was the lumbering sounds of titans wandering. 

Silently, Mikasa followed.

The titans did not.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI FRIENDS. sorry for the dry spell!!! the rivamika tag was infuriating me so i didn't want to write this :( but my anxiety is keeping me awake tonight, and i decided, what better way to reclaim my lack of sleep than writing fic that i care about?
> 
> so, if you please: enjoy a nice, long, freshly-written chapter eight of blackbirds :')

Sometime along the way back she realized, dully, that titans were active exclusively during the day. She said so to Levi, who did not reply, but he did propel himself off of the next branch with so much force that it snapped -- no, _shattered_ away from the trunk and clattered all the way down.

Eventually, the walls come into view. There are no titans around.

They slipped over them with ease, and landed.

They trudged back to their shelter. It had only been an hour at the most, Mikasa thought, and it though it wasn't surprising, it looked as though nothing had changed at all. Like they hadn’t just tried to go home, and like they hadn't just been nearly slaughtered by a titan, and like a horde of others hadn’t almost joined the fray, too.

Levi all but threw his gear to the floor, and his hands in tight fists that he’d unclench only to flex harder, he spat, “I’m going to the well.” and left.

Mikasa didn’t respond. Didn’t do anything. For a while, she stood there, just staring at the wall as her body reeled over what happened. There was a brief spell of panic, and her breathing turned shallow and she dropped to her knees, her head resting on the worn-down and water damaged floor, dragging her knuckles across it as she forced herself to be calm.

It was a long time before he came back. When he did, she was sitting limply against the wall, cloak off, legs half-outstretched and her arms resting on propped-up knees.

Silence -- except for the sounds of the world going on around them, with no care as to the violence they had just experienced.

Levi looked cleaner. And wetter. His cravat hung heavy with dampness, and his bangs clung to his eyes and cheekbones and temples.

“Better?” Mikasa said after some time.

Levi gazed lifelessly at nothing in particular. He wouldn’t look at her.

“My head hurts like a bitch,” he imparted.

Mikasa's mouth twisted wryly.

“Would you like me to apply more salve?”

“Thank you, but maybe later.”

Levi came over to her, barely making a sound as he walked, and plunked down on her left side. He leaned his head back against the wall, shut his eyes, and breathed out through his nose.

The scrape on her neck still stung, and somehow, the pain gave her something to hold onto. Keep her grounded. But ff course she felt dumb. Tired. Powerless. Memories of the previous night began to trickle in, and Mikasa wondered with a strange feeling in her stomach if they would spend a night here again, as they had before.

“And how are you, Ackerman?”

His voice startled her, and Mikasa flinched -- she caught his lip twitching up on one side, but he hid it quickly.

“Tired,” she answered honestly. “Quite tired.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I suppose I could say the same. Defeat always leaves a bad taste in my mouth I can never seem to wash out.”

Defeat? "No, not defeat," Mikasa corrected him, gazing with concern at his resting form. "Tactical retreat, remember, Corporal?"

Corporal. Spend a day in the woods, struggling to survive, and it's easy to forget it.

"Don't give up yet. We'll figure something out, even if I have to kill every titan we meet and return home on foot, with you over my shoulder. Defeat is for those who are already dead."

It was evident that Mikasa felt she needed to cheer him up, and the prudent, civilized side of Levi knew her kindness was by no means an obligation on her part. But Mikasa’s words _incensed_ him. He wanted, suddenly and very badly, to reach out and slam her into the wall, and follow up with a miserable beating that would set her straight for years to come. But he quieted these thoughts immediately, and it came with a nauseous feeling of guilt that this vitriol had even crossed his mind for such a piss-poor reason. Levi had to close his eyes, gingerly rubbing his temples with a hand stretched across his face.

Mikasa, stupid and naive, pressed on, her voice quiet. "I... I won't let you down, sir." Nervous, even. Helpless, even. The crushing weight already on Levi tripled on his heart. He couldn't go on like this, so bitter and uneasy... Not taking care of his subordinate.

Her.

"Ackerman," he began, slowly. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet. "You've never let me down before. I don't expect this time will be any different."

She didn't reply. But when he glanced at her from the corner of his eye, he saw her discreetly tucking her face into her wretched scarf, almost smiling. He rolled his eyes. It was so easy to please her if you knew how.

"...But for the love of God, if you decide to take things upon yourself and carry me back, you're dead. Dead."

"Of course, Corporal."  _Corporal_.

“Um, I was thinking… It does get quieter at night, so presumably the titans do rest. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“Should we attempt to move again tonight then, perhaps? The darkness will create visual issues, but it would be sacrificing speed for safety.”

“And what if we run into another titan?”

“We’ll just have to be careful then, won’t we?”

Levi sighed. His head was pounding miserably, blurring his vision, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep. Regardless, Ackerman had a fair point.

“So be it,” he grumbled. “We rest up until dusk, then head out again. Fuck it, I’ll take more of that green crap. I can’t sleep like this.”

Mikasa half-smiled, and rose from the wall. She retrieved the salve from their pouch and revived it with a small splash of water, and then knelt beside him once again. Gently, she began reapplying it to his ugly, burgundy-colored temple. He averted his gaze from hers -- all focused eyes and determined scrunch to her nose -- and Levi practically melted with the relief.

“This looks awful,” she commented, frowning at the offending injury. He shrugged at her.

“Is what it is.”

“Let me know if it gets worse. If you have a concussion, I’ll need to treat you for it.” ... _If I can_.

“Sure thing, Mom.”

_Mom?_

It was sarcasm on his part, but the word sent a fast, jolting sensation through her skin. Unprepared, Mikasa unwillingly sunk to her knees as her eyes glazed over. A hundred images of her own mother bandaging her wounds, and Carla tending to other ones, raced through her mind, momentarily paralyzing her.

When she came to a moment later, sitting in a limp heap, Levi was staring at her with his hands on her shoulders, worried.

“Ackerman? Are you all right?”

Mikasa sucked in a breath, not realizing she wasn’t breathing, and blinked, quickly grabbing her scarf and sheltering her mouth behind it.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t believe that for a moment. What’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer for a long time. He wasn’t even going to push her, but something in her was pushing to escape, and as his fingers pressed tighter to her skin, Mikasa finally answered, “Mom.”

Levi looked plainly unhappy.

“Ah.” Silence. He seemed to realize where his hands were, and carefully withdrew them. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“No, no. It’s okay. I fight for her, after all.”

She got shakily up to put the salve away, and Levi remained in the corner, looking contemplative. Exhaustion was really setting in now, and Mikasa grabbed their cloaks, returning to her spot beside him.

To her surprise, Levi spoke up.

“What was your mother like?”

Mikasa stared down at her hands that clutched the deep green, thick fabric. She spoke the first words that came to mind.

“Which one?”

Her voice was soft, unobtrusive. He would’ve missed it if he hadn’t been paying attention to her. But her question was strange. “What?” he queried.

The words are harder to get out this time. “Mom. Which one? There’s Mama, and there’s Carla Jaeger.”

Levi remembers for the umpteenth time, it feels like, that his brat was adopted. Her biological parents had been murdered, cruelly and coldly, and she was taken in by the Jaegers for reasons unknown. There’s a moment where he feels very stupid for not remembering, but with his pride already damaged, he begrudgingly chalks his poor memory up to maybe-concussion.

“I don’t know. Both, I suppose. Did you prefer one?”

She didn’t reply immediately. Instead, she took up her spot on the wall beside him, and passed him half of the cloak to tuck around himself. It was only when they were properly situated that she replied.

“No,” she said. “No. They were both important in their own way. Picking one is impossible.”

Levi frowned, and commented, “It must have been worse to lose two good mothers than just one.”

Mikasa bit her lip, and half-heartedly shrugged. “I guess. But sometimes I think, I wouldn’t have met people who I really care about if I hadn’t. Like Eren. And Carla, she… She was a really beautiful person. She was one of the most beautiful people I ever knew. The Jaegers were just as much my family as my original parents were.” She paused to take a breath, and rested her head back on the wall, shutting her eyes as she appeared to sink back into her memories. “We had lived on a farm. It was actually really wonderful -- my mother was an accomplished seamstress, and my father was a decent hunter. I can still remember the garden we had and what the sun felt like. It always seemed so green and bright, no matter what. It felt like home.”

Levi was drained, but somehow, the faint smile on her lips, the almost-serene expression on her face, kept him awake and paying attention. Without meaning to, he asked, “And Carla?”

Her expression faltered. “...The day I came to the Jaegers’ home, it was late. I don’t know what time it was, but it was already dark and the town was asleep. We all walked in the door, and Eren rushed into Mom’s arms. She was sitting in this little wooden chair at the table; she must’ve been up, worried sick.” Mikasa vaguely smiled. “She started telling off Eren immediately. He didn’t even cry. He was still so angry… But then she saw me, and, and I remember, I was so afraid. I was convinced this woman would resent me, hate me for being another mouth to feed. But she… She… Eren pointed at me, and he said, ‘This is Mikasa, and she’s our new family member.’ No ifs, ands, or buts. So brazen. She glanced at Dad, and then looked back at me -- I thought about running away, then, though I didn’t have anywhere in mind -- and then she just, started crying. And she stood up, and walked over to me, and pulled me into her arms. I don’t know why she did that. I don’t know why she understood, just like that. But she did.”

She was smiling, yes -- but her breaths were shaky, and there was the distinct glint at the corners of her eyes that betrayed the tears that came down her cheeks and wavering voice. “She loved me so much. She always brushed my hair, every day, and told me to take care of it. She let me help with chores. She didn’t baby me at all -- she just, loved me, unconditionally. I think it helped that I kept Eren in line a bit more. Not that it stopped him from getting in fights or ruining the clean laundry.”

The ache in his chest was unfamiliar and nauseous. There was a foreign sensation that came with it -- the urge to brush his palms across her face, rid her of the tears; to pull her safely into his arms, if only to hold her. Her words made her think about things he hadn’t thought of in a long, long time -- things he didn’t want to think of. He tucked his hands under his arms to trap them and sighed, then noticed her expression had turned anguished.

“I miss them so much,” she admitted, voice cracking. She raised a weak arm to her face, wiping it off on the back of her sleeve as she shook with quiet sobs. “I can’t lose Eren. I can’t lose anyone else.”

Levi’s throat felt constricted, and his head felt hazy, but he responded instantly: “You won’t.”

 _What the fuck am I saying?_ he berated himself immediately after he said the words, but it didn’t bother him as much as it should have. For some reason, comforting her seemed more important. “I’ve busted my ass to keep him safe, and I don’t intend on letting him make a fool of himself and get killed in the process. And I know you would sooner be eaten thirty times over than let Eren come to harm.”

Mikasa nodded feebly from behind her forearm that she had pressed over her eyes. Levi, in spite of himself, continued. Somehow he kept his voice level and smooth -- the soothing tone he saved for the soldiers who were panicking mid-mission, but gentler this time. “I lost my family as well, like most did -- it was probably a few years before yours. We lived in one of those nameless slums from the north east; I can’t recall how many of us there were, or who was even related. But… there was Ester.”

Her name felt strange on his tongue, and the sensation plummeted straight to his guts and he felt sick. The emotion was almost too raw to handle. But Mikasa looked calmer, sleepier, and whatever determination he had left compelled him to see his speech through.

“I brushed her hair, too. It was too long, and I couldn’t tell you how many times we told her to hack it off and sell it for good coin. She was such a brat. Always mouthing me off. But it kept her warm at night, and I guess that was worth it in the end. Still, she was young, and couldn’t take care of it herself, so I had to. It was a pain in my ass. I looked like a fool. And yet, still worse, is that if I let her keep it loose, it would just turn into a rat’s nest in a night. So I learned how to braid it. And I’ll be damned if my sister didn’t have the best braids out of all the brats in the underground.”

It wasn’t until the last few words that his voice began to give; his tone ended in a mix of satisfaction and melancholy, and he had to hold his breath for a few moments to keep himself composed. But he remembered what came next. He remembered everything that came next, and how long it took, and the way her eyes looked as they blinked shut for the last time. She had been frail, weak, and looked like she was just sleeping.

“The underground is disgusting, Mikasa,” he spat out from under his breath. “It’s full of living filth and putridness. Nothing was ever clean. And it made people sick, and nothing could be done. Nothing could ever, ever be done. And the amount of money it would take to get out, and find somewhere to stay, and get the medicine you need, was nothing but a fool’s dream down there.” Levi swallowed hard, teeth gritted. He didn’t think he could say anything else. It was too much. It was an anger he had been channeling into other things without having to face it head on, and it--

Warm arms wrapped around him -- they curled around his neck, and Mikasa’s body followed, pressing against him in an urgent, trembling embrace. Her fingers lightly clawed the back of his head and neck where his head was shaved close to his scalp, and there were immediate tingles that traveled down his spine. His senses were overwhelmed by her scent in his face, and her hair stuck to his cheek, soft and silken.

She didn’t seem to have much energy, either, and she quickly lost her balance. He immediately took the welcome excuse to trap her in his arms. There was no one there but them. There was no military -- no walls, no soldiers, no kings or prophets. There was a female who, in some way, understood, and offered comfort despite herself. And Levi opted to accept the offer.

Mikasa murmured something he didn’t catch, but it sounded soothing and he appreciated it anyway. So he decided if he was going to throw away all of his decency and pride, he might as well do it thoroughly -- and he replied in turn, softly and sincerely, an old song he learned in his family’s language. He struggled to remember all the words, their pronunciations, correctly, but he tried anyway, and his singing was a quiet rasp. She seemed so small as she relaxed, melted into his lap; and, he thought dimly, this all felt very right somehow.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even remember what it was, but something suddenly inspired me last night and then BAM, AN ENTIRE CHAPTER WAS FINISHED. I feel like I'm so close to the end of this!! I can't imagine what it'll be like to finish a second fic ;o;
> 
> ALSO, I absolutely LOVE all of you and your reviews have been so kind. I mean it when I say I could never thank you enough.
> 
> Enjoy!

Mikasa woke up in the same fashion she had the last few times: eyes sealed shut, muscles aching, bones creaking, and her body feeling like it had been bent in all the wrong directions. She wanted nothing more than to go back to the welcoming void of sleep and burrow further into the body that was her bed, but things were never that easy.

“Mikasa. Mikasa. Come on, I don’t have all night. Up.”

Mikasa groaned at the persistent voice that had stirred her to begin with. It was slightly warm as it tickled her ears, and too soothingly low to do anything except make her sleepier.

“Mikasa. You’re not a child, for the love of god, get up.”

The voice was a little sterner this time, and Mikasa inhaled, coming to her senses just a little. The sleep-deprivation wasn’t doing her any favors this time around.

“Jesus Christ, Ackerman!”

Mikasa’s eyes snapped open and she sat up, rigid.

Hair fluffed in all which ways, eyes bright and too-alert and cheeks flushed, dark eyes met darker eyes and Levi looked her up and down once, his expression of pure amusement. She wasn’t sure if she should be ashamed or angry with him, and quickly pat down her head, clearing her throat.

“S-sorry,” she mumbled, adjusting and trying to look presentable. Levi didn’t seem to mind at all, and ignored her apology.

“I’d like to let you catch up on sleep, but...” He gestured to the missing window, and Mikasa saw a deep-colored sky that was teeming with little twinkling lights and a looming moon on the tree horizon. It was night. All the titans were sleeping.

It was time. Again.

She just nodded, slowly fingering her scarf. Her mind was clearing up, and her limbs felt heavy. Everything she had told him came back to her, some of it comforting, some of it not, some of it leaving that newfound coiling feeling in her belly that her corporal seemed to elicit. 

Wordlessly, Levi rose — even freshly woken from a near-death experience and he still managed to be graceful — and proffered his hand to her. Mikasa took it, and he tugged her to her feet.

They didn’t need to say anything as they dressed again. An understanding had been reached, though of what neither could say. What had once been irritation, impatience, uncertainty, was replaced with a genuine concern and trust that felt like it had taken years to build. Something natural had worked its way in between them, but it wasn’t as if it would be admitted.

When the last belts were secured and cloaks fastened, Levi walked over to Mikasa and paused beside her. She opened her mouth to speak, but was silenced when she felt his hand wrap around her wrist.

“Mikasa,” he said, voice taking on its authoritative tone but with a softer edge. “Same plan as before.”

She turned to look at him, nodding, but saw he was only staring straight ahead out the door, eyes shadowed under his hair. He was in just the right spot for the moonlight to catch only the bottom half of his face. Just enough light for Mikasa to see his lip curl in a way that made her heart flutter.

“What did I say about using your big girl words?” he threatened, but any malice she expected was instead an intimate taunt. Swallowing hard, Mikasa found it was much easier to reply.

“Yes, sir,” she murmured, and thought she felt his hand squeeze before he let go.

——

The progress this time was slower. The darkness was a double-edged sword that both provided them with sanctuary, while inhibiting their vision significantly. Between the boughs and canopy high above some light filtered through in a ghostly white-grey, but ultimately both Mikasa and Levi had to strain and focus a hundred percent to make sure they were going to land on a safe branch.

More unsettling than knowing one wrong step meant an easy death was the silence.

The forest, which before had been a constant source of little sounds, was deathly silent. The crickets and frogs from their little abandoned town seemed to have stayed there, and instead they were met with nothing except the occasional rustle of wind in the trees and their own boots meeting wood underneath them. Worse was their 3DMG — the typical _bang_ s of wire shooting seemed a thousand times louder, and Mikasa had to forcibly untense after nearly half an hour of expecting it to wake every titan in the area.

But nearly two hours had passed, and a faint, scarce, but real hope that the pair of soldiers might make it back alive appeared.

The trees thinned a little, and Mikasa used the increased visibility to hop up to Levi. She thought she’d heard ragged breaths coming from him, and worried that his concussion was acting up.

“How’s your head?” she asked for the hundredth time, prepared to deal with his irritation. Levi, however, managed to be patient when he grunted out, “Just fine.”

She definitely saw him wince as he said it, and frowned.

“Let’s rest,” she said, “at least for a few minutes. Drink, put some more salve on, and then keep going. You know it’ll just be worse if you push yourself too much. We can afford a break.”

Mikasa didn’t need to add that they couldn’t afford to go back if something went wrong this time around.

The pain must have been bad, because Levi barely put up a fight. Traveling a short distance further, they crept into one of the larger trees and nestled themselves against the massive arms sprouting from the trunk. It was hard, and uncomfortable, but their bodies welcomed the respite.

Resting gave her the chance to calm down a little, but also her adrenaline to subside. Her thighs strained with the endless activity and lack of real rest and nourishment, as well as the incredible stress her body had been through. At least they hadn’t had to use any gas yet — just firing the hooks and using momentum to carry them had been adequate in the dense woods.

“How far do you think we’ve come?” Mikasa asked, just to break the unnerving silence she wasn’t used to. By her estimations, they’d covered a few miles, but it would probably be closer to dawn when they made it back. If they did. 

Levi was settled on a massive limb that ended only a few inches diagonal than her head, and she wished she had the guts to move up there with him.

“Who knows,” he replied offhandedly. It was still worrying that he seemed so gruff, and she knew that if he’d been like this with her a few days ago, she wouldn’t have known that tiny difference between “difficult” and “distressed” in his voice. Brow furrowing, Mikasa blew her stray bangs out of her face and carefully rose to her feet so she could look at him.

Stone-faced as ever, Levi regarded her with little interest, though she guessed he was probably trying very hard to quell his emotions — just as she normally was.

“Levi— Sir,” she amended hurriedly, “If you need more salve, there’s plenty left, it wouldn’t be a problem to reapply it. There’s no need to suffer unduly.”

It was pitch dark and she lingered with her hands braced against her corporal’s branch. And even in that darkness, barely able to make out his pale face against his dark cloak, she felt Levi staring. His gaze was an oppressive force that made her straighten, made her neck prickle with attention.

His further silence was discomforting. Mikasa was about to give up and return to her spot, feeling that she had probably pushed too far and really hurt his unneeded pride, but she sensed him moving instead of hearing it, and was surprised when she saw his hand appear before her.

“Come here, Mikasa,” he sighed, and she felt warmth bubble inside her.

Taking his hand, he firmly lifted her to his height and held onto her tightly until he was certain she was properly placed. Mikasa sat angled towards him with his boot to her back, bracing her, and his other leg propped up as his own back rested against the trunk. Finally, he said, “Well what are you waiting for?” and Mikasa almost smiled.

Scooting over and ignoring the loud clanging of her gear against the bark, she was once again guided to the safety of his lap. Not that it was nonproprietary or anything — this was strictly professional, only her leaned close to him as he held her, making sure she didn’t accidentally tumble off the branch while her fingers expertly dabbed balm to his temple. No, there was nothing improper about this at all. Not the way she felt her heart rate escalate as she stretched and felt his breath on her neck from the proximity, nor the way his fingers tightened into her shirt faintly in return.

Trying very, very hard to keep her voice even, Mikasa quipped, “Your bruise is looking better.”

Levi scoffed. “As if you can see six inches in front of you. We’re fucking blind out here at this time of night.”

“Maybe you should get your eyes checked out when we get back. I can count every hair on your head from here.”

“Good. You’ll need that incredible vision to catch the speed that my foot is going to go up your ass in a minute.”

Even if she hadn’t felt his cheeks stretch with his good-humoured smirk, she would’ve felt the staccato of air against her throat as he failed to subdue his chuckling and making her laugh in turn.

“Right. In that case, you can write a book about the experience of having a concussion and a leg broken in so many places you can’t count. Sound fair?”

“Uh-huh,” he said, and as her fingertips drifted to the line where his hair softly began, she was stopped by his single hand wrapping around her throat. She stilled instantly, like he had commanded her to, and his thumb dragged across her jaw line in a way she could only call tender. “Now where does that leave you, thorn-in-my-side?”

Mikasa swallowed thickly, and found herself trembling. He had felt her gulp, and that knowledge struck her with a shamefulness that left her flushed and aching for something she couldn’t place. There wasn’t even a passing moment of fear, concern for her well-being in the hands of his man; no, only an indescribable need for him to close those few inches of space that separated them.

Mikasa exhaled his name in a shaky breath, and felt him shift around her. When had the air grown so stifling, so heavy? And her skin, already tingling from distracting goosebumps, tightened with her muscles as he heard her unspoken plea. Her hand still hovering over his angled cheekbone fell, and the tip of his nose bumped hers as his forehead connected against hers, pressing them together. 

It was like a faucet had been turned on, and an endless well of relief smothered her. She felt his sigh and the stiffness of his own muscles, like he was still restraining himself somehow.

“You... you are so difficult,” he whispered, and he caught her hand in his. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

Barely able to find her voice, Mikasa asked no louder than he, “What do I do to you?”

For the second time, Levi laughed, and it was deep and low, gravelly. The prized walls that she had put up were effectively dismantled in a second. She found herself distantly wondering if he knew what _he_ did to _her_ , as if it could compare at all.

But maybe the fact that he was as taut as her meant it could.

“ _Everything_ ,” he growled, and she was lost. Every fiber of her was ensnared by that singular admission, and she was going to kiss him. Like a fever controlling her, she needed to kiss him. Her hands grabbed his collar roughly, white-knuckled, and she felt him rise so that he craned over her in predatory control but she didn’t care. Let him feel superior. There was something horribly tempting about giving in, surrendering to someone who rivaled her tenacity and made her feel vulnerable and safe all at once. She just needed that final touch to seal away the electricity that had burned at her for days and give her the release.

Then, the warm, sturdy body of Levi was torn away from her in a blitz of shattered wooden splinters. Mikasa scarcely had time to register what was going on, as the old tree beneath her began tilting on its way to the ground and leaves and twigs rained down on her head. There was a deafening, feral noise from her lower right, and her legs instinctively went into motion before her mind did, launching her away.

The darkness abated only slightly, as the fallen tree provided a gap for the light as it exploded on the ground below long moments later, taking several younger trees with it. Mikasa’s breaths came in sharp gasps as she tried to assess where she saw, where the titan was, where Levi was.

It rose from the ground like something from a nightmare. Scrambling for cover, her eyes were wide on the the largest titan she’d seen since the Walls fell. Large swaths of hair tumbled unevenly from its head and puffed from its great chest, and she felt nauseous when it turned to face her. It looked manic. Awake. Starving.

A blast from her left alerted her to Levi’s location. In an instant he was slipping away forward, continuing the trail where they had left off, and Mikasa understood she needed to follow. Engaging was a last resort.

But the titan now knew where Levi was as well. In slow-motion, Mikasa could only watch as the monster’s arm reached out effortlessly and wrapped its massive fist around Levi, who looked small as a mouse. No matter how hard she strained, fighting her body’s limitations to move faster, she couldn’t make it in time, and she all but tore her blades from their holsters.

There was a snarl of pain from the titan’s fist, and she lunged around to its back, taking great strides across its shoulder blades only to be swatted away by its free hand.

“Levi!” she shouted. “Levi, can you hear me?”

_Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead._

She heard a faint groan again and renewed her efforts. Killing it wasn’t an option, it was too large and she lacked the resources to strategically make it to its neck in one piece. She’d have to settle on the tendons.

It was a blessing and a curse that the titan seemed too preoccupied with her to eat Levi. Zipping from tree to tree, ignoring the stinging cuts of the brush on her face and scraped splinters in her knuckles, it followed her progress with frightening patience. Levi was still alive, but she wanted a distraction to find her opening.

It came in the form of another titan.

Several meters shorter but lacking just as much in intelligence, this one leapt at Mikasa the first chance it got and sent it careening into the first. They stumbled for a few moments, and she threw all caution to the wind and lunged.

She didn’t even feel it when her blades slit its flesh, barely slowing down on its tendons her strength was so great in the swing. Desperately, her eyes locked on its fist, time moving too slowly as its fist opened limply and it made a sound of protest. It was followed by the tumbling body of Levi — everything seemed to freeze as she watched his descent to the ground so far under him — until a _bang_ and a cloud of smoke signaled his escape.

She couldn’t get to him fast enough. The titans recovered and were hot on her trail, but she pushed, and followed the blasts from his gear until she saw his form flicker through the boughs.

“Levi!”

Mikasa had never seen him move so quickly. He glanced back for a half second and the distress was evident, followed by the raucous noises of two titans barreling behind them.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, voice disturbingly calm.

“I’m fine,” she snapped, uncaring about her own condition when he had been the one in the literal clutches of a titan. “How badly are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, Mikasa,” he said too forcefully. Springing forward and narrowly dodging a swinging branch, she finally saw how his leg half-collapsed when he took a step and that his left arm clutched around his chest. Her eyes widened in horror.

“You are not fine. You are not remotely fine! Levi, let me kill them. I can do it, the smaller one will take only a minute—”

“The smaller one is at least twenty-five meters and will waste no time in eating you whole!” he snapped back. “We’re moving forward, and that is an order!”

“Orders be damned!” Mikasa cried out, swelling with fury and panic and unadulterated bloodlust. It was making her foolish, she knew, and she knew he was right, but if it had been Eren — god forbid a thousand times over — if it had been Eren, she would go back and kill them even if the king himself had forbid her to.

“Mikasa.” His voice was even, steady, and it kept her mouth shut. “Please don’t do this to me.”

She didn’t have time to answer. The argument had distracted them, and Mikasa felt the wind knocked out of her as the larger titan’s fist connected with the tree she had just landed on, tangling her wires and causing her to ragdoll helplessly in the air. Everything blurred, and she heard Levi shout her name distantly, followed by the dull throb that signaled a head injury and the taste of blood in her mouth.

In an absurdly short amount of time he was there, pulling and tugging frantically at wads of leaves and boughs that caught her 3DMG. The titans were there, literally right there, leaning down to grab them both and Mikasa weakly spat some of the blood out of her mouth.

“It’ll be okay,” Levi urged, still working on freeing her. “Everything will be fine. Keep your eyes open, Ackerman, or Eren will be the one to murder me in the next few hours. You need to get back to Eren.”

It was just the right thing to say, unsurprisingly, and Mikasa felt her heart swell painfully with the desperation to live. She squeezed her eyes shut and blinked a few times as she regained some coherency. Eren was important. She needed to get back to her brother. Dying here wasn’t an option.

Her miracles were decidedly up for the day, as Levi pressed a button on her gear, sending the coils shooting back into place. In the same movement, he grabbed her roughly with one arm and yanked her up before shooting his own gear, silently hoping himself that he would hit something.

The hooks found purchase, and a giant hand slammed into the earth where she had lain a second previously.

The rushing force had left her dizzier than before and she felt bile rise up in her throat, threatening to vomit from nausea, but Levi’s hand touched her cheek, her head, reorienting her as he said in a rush, “I can’t carry you or we’ll both fall. Can you move?”

It took a moment, but Mikasa achingly nodded, trying to hold herself with poise. “Y-yeah,” she coughed. “Just sore. I’ll be okay. Let’s go.”

A crack signaled another fallen tree, and their heads turned: a third titan had joined the fray, and it was busting down everything in its path. Now Mikasa really felt sick, and she turned to Levi just in time to see him shoot away in a cloud of dust and smoke.

With three titans on her heel and multiple injuries, she followed him into the dark.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am always amazed at how, no matter what is happening in my life or what fandom i am engrossed it, i can always find myself crawling back to rivamika. like today in class, i randomly thought of this amazing line of dialogue, and then next thing you know i'm home on my computer and looking at my blackbirds file, and then just writing. the line isn't even in this chapter. WHATEVER!!! I HOPE Y'ALL ENJOY THIS AND I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT THANKSGIVING IF YOU CELEBRATE IT ;v;
> 
> (also yay we made it to ten chapters!!! <3)

Keeping up with Levi was a chore in itself.

Mikasa didn’t know how he did it — she knew she was fast, she knew she was strong, stronger than almost anyone — but even with a badly hurt leg and a wound on his flank she realized only from the hand he kept clutched around his ribs, he moved like a well-oiled bullet. Begrudgingly, she chalked it up to his smaller, more compact size; maybe that extra inch or two made a difference after all (nevermind that he was leaden with muscle).

_But_ , she thought afterwards, it probably helped that the party of titans pursuing them were a healthy incentive to run.

At least he was alive. And he still checked on her. Every now and then she’d catch him glancing back at her, monitoring her distance from him and the titans from her. Mikasa had no clue how much it pained him to keep her in the back, closest to danger. But it was a necessity that he remained in front, for he had the experience and strategic ability to lead them safely. Mikasa fought like a dog and killed more swiftly than any man he knew, but no one had taught her the defining intricacies that let her truly lead. Yet.

He would see to it, he thought darkly. If anyone deserved to learn, it was her. The potential she had was enough as it were.

It felt like an eternity by the time they reach the massive river.

The heels of her boots came to a grinding halt, and her chest expanded rapidly with strained breaths. Levi looked a million times worse off, and as they make silent, panicked eye-contact, she saw his jaw set hard as he searched for words.

The river is wide, very wide, and the trees across it are too far away for the 3DMG. This is an unspoken fact, and it will remain as such. Levi keeps staring at her, though, his gaze steeled on her face like he’s searching for answers — like if he keeps staring at her, they’ll come to him.

Again, she’ll never know it’s true. The urgency in protecting her life stymies his strategic thoughts to life, and he suddenly blurts out, “We’ll wade it.” Mikasa glances back at the titans, who they have put some distance between, and Levi answers her unspoken question. “We have enough time. Unhook your gear. Can you swim?”

Stupefied, Mikasa replied, “Yes...?”, still not understanding what Levi is getting at. But he’s already kneeling before her, unbuckling her straps with barely steady hands.

Quickly, Mikasa follows suit, undoing the other leg instead. The titans are making fast progress, but when her gear falls to the ground with a resounding _BANG_ , Levi scoops it up in his arms in a second and shoves her towards the angry waters.

“I don’t understand what you’re doing!” Mikasa shouted in frustration as her boots splashed in, looking back at Levi with panicked eyes. His forehead was creased with obvious distress, but he took the time to snap out a reply as fast as he could.

“I’m going to get on your shoulders and you’re going to walk us across the river while I hold the gear and keep it dry. Now move it, Ackerman!”

Survival autopilot kicking back in, partially due to the striking tone of authority Levi commanded, and it made her dip in. The water was perfectly freezing, and she hissed out a note as it soaked into her clothes. It was so cold it hurt. Her legs kept moving, pushing forward, and as it covered her breasts she felt Levi yank on her scarf like a leash, holding her trembling body still as he climbed onto her shoulders.

For a moment, they grappled. The newfound weight combined with the painful, numbing cold of the water was misery, and Levi fought to give her precious time. But sure enough, she stopped being able to really feel her limbs, and as her ears caught the loudness of the titans’ approach, she spurned forward.

The river was infinitely wider when you were in it. The soles of her boots barely had traction against the floor, a mixture of smooth rocks and silt and debris, and her lungs felt like they were full of ice. And Levi was heavy! How did anyone so small weigh so much? The thought was absurd, so absurd that she had to hold in a hysterical laugh as it mingled with the reality of death that trailed so closely behind them.

“You’re doing good, Mikasa. Just keep moving forward.”

“That’s... all I know... how to do, sir,” she bit back, teeth gritted to try and stop them from chattering.

Mikasa had learned to count her steps about fifteen seconds in. Distraction had become a necessity in order for her to channel all of her focus into moving her body across the rushing waters. The excess nervous energy diverted into the heavy motion of each of her thighs straining to lift through what felt like syrup, push forward, and then come down firmly on a hopefully solid surface. Her breaths had turned rapid, short and shallow, and the stinging ice that penetrated her bones was beginning to make her head throb maniacally.

There was other things to consider, though, like the steady grip of Levi’s legs crossed under her arms and tightened on either side of her neck. That single source of warmth was a blessed furnace that provided sanity.

“We’re halfway, Mikasa. Get across this and I’ll do your laundry for a month.”

Halfway? The distance seemed both too short and yet surprisingly far. Levi sounded so, so unaffected, so unbothered, and she couldn’t comprehend how for a moment — questioning if maybe he was suicidal, or just didn’t give a damn anymore — but as she sucked in a shaking breath of air and took in a splash of water, turning it into a fit of coughing, she felt the roughened callouses of his fingers quickly pull her soaked strands of hair out of her eyes and face, tucking them awkwardly behind her ears, and rational thought kicked in.

“Okay,” she rasped back, thankful for his attempt at comfort. The water in her lungs began to burn, though, and the numbness in her extremities escalated. Mikasa was scarcely aware of her ankle folding on itself on a slick surface, and only caught herself with a scathing cry as Levi shouted her name.

The world tilted to the right for a terrifying second, but Mikasa grunted and from somewhere deep in her chest, found her balance and corrected her position.

“Are you alright?” Levi’s worried voice was almost drowned under the roar of the currents.

“Y-yes,” she grit out, and just to prove it, took another step forward.

The cold made it so that there was no feeling in her ankle, and she had no way of knowing if she had sprained it or simply bent it uncomfortably. That was fine. She had no time to worry about that. The shoreline was becoming visible in the faint moonlight, and though her skin felt pinpricks of acid in every pore, though her vision danced with black speckles that encroached from every side of her periphery, she felt like she might be able to make that distance.

“The gear is still dry, just so you know. We’re still alive.” Levi paused to leisurely pluck back the strands that had plastered themselves to her face again. “We’re making it out of here alive, Mikasa, and it will probably be your all your fault.”

The humor in his tone was not lost on her, and as his hands — which radiated so much wonderful heat compared to the damnable river — retreated once more, Mikasa choked on a breath as her adrenaline crashed into overdrive. The sensation could only be described as not having enough blood in her veins, and she was only faintly aware of the clanging of the gear Levi had hauled onto his back as her heartbeats pounded like war drums in her head. The end was right there. She saw flashes of Eren’s face, his shit-eating grin and his scent of cinnamon and his precise temperature when they embraced, and even a glimpse of Armin’s clear blue gaze that held so much promise and nervousness, and inch by inch, Mikasa felt her body slow to a crawl as the water receded from her chest.

Feeling like her legs were going to buckle from the inevitability of the shock and finally lost of any coherent thought, she made some sort of strangled noise — something between a sob and a groan — and with clattering teeth and violently shaking, slippery hands, she fumbled, reaching up blindly towards Levi and nearly suffocating from the wave of relief that hit her when his hand found hers. Silently, tremblingly, she gripped it, and brought it to her cheek again, relishing the endless heat, the familiar texture.

Levi didn’t say anything; he just let his thumb run across her cheekbone, and Mikasa wanted to cry so badly in that single moment but simply could not.

Immeasurable time passed as she clumsily rose from the black, liquid deathtrap. Mikasa blinked once, and the waterline was to her ribcage; she blinked again, and it was at her belly button; she blinked once more, and it was lapping sweetly at her hips, deceptively calm, gentle — nothing like the hell it held in its belly.

“I can’t,” she gasped, eyes wide, all at once, and Levi was ready when she toppled forward.

The shock of water to her face was unpleasant, to put it mildly, and as it proceeded to cram down her sinuses and esophagus like tar, she retched and sputtered wildly. Dull nails clawed at her throat with the desperate need to create an opening and get the fluid out, out of her, and replace it with oxygen. In one swift movement, something hard collided with her back and she roughly spat out everything in her system before being grabbed by the wrist and hauled gracelessly up the bank.

Everything was spinning nauseatingly and her insides hurt with cold burning. Mikasa crumpled, unable to do a thing except painfully breathe in and out, in and out, but she distantly became aware of warm hands on her, combing her hair out of her face and then pulling off her boots that suctioned disgustingly to her feet.

There was the sound of water pouring. Then, a warm, if not slightly damp blanket wrapped around her, attempting to towel off her soaked-through clothes and skin.

_I want to go home_ , Mikasa thought blearily, the first real sentence to cross her mind in what felt like an eternity. Regaining sensation in her fingers, fortunately or not, she dragged her nails through the packed sand and gravel, coughing weakly. _I just want to go home. Please._

The strained, gentle voice at the cusp her ear dragged her further into reality. “I think you’ve heard this before, but it bears repeating. You are worth a hundred men, and a better one than I. And I will cut down anyone who says otherwise. You have made me proud to be your commanding officer, Mikasa.”

Like a dam breaking, the hot, endless tears finally came, and they poured down her cheeks without restraint. Mikasa cried, long and soundless, biting hard onto her lower lip as Levi finally grabbed her carefully by the underarms and lifted her, her hands clinging to his shirt in turn. Swaying precariously on her feet, Levi made quick work of reassembling her 3DMG on her frame and dressing her, and as the tears ebbed into a blurry watercolor world, Mikasa finally remembered her plight and jerked back, staring across the river in trepidation as her eyes focused on the lumbering forms that hovered there. She counted the numbers sluggishly, and then saw that one of the smaller ones had fallen in, fruitlessly trying to right itself and failing. The others merely whined and complained, lurid, bulbous eyes flitting fretfully from the rapids to where they stood, indecisive.

But they weren't crossing it.

Words failed her. The powerful mixture of shock and relief and every emotion she had ever felt in her life compounded on itself, and Mikasa could only find herself clamping her frigid hands over her mouth in wide-eyed disbelief. Again, remembering where she was and who she was with, she looked back to her corporal, who was putting the finishing touches on a strap.

Sensing her gaze, Levi looked up, and in an impossibly rare moment, his expression was entirely open. His eyes held a fiercesome, burning reverence, and his lips curved faintly into a genuine smile to match. For a second, she thought she might have even seen a flash of teeth in a grin, but counted that one as a trick of the light.

“Yes?” he teased lightly, eyebrow raised. Mikasa felt her eyes watering all over again and sniffled hard. She spoke through her hands.

“I did it?” Her voice was small, childlike, and Levi smirked wider. Rising to his full height, he walked to her and pried her hands from her face, holding them in his instead.

“Why yes, I would say you did,” he drawled, gesturing to themselves. “We are alive, and on the far more hospitable side of that god forsaken river.”

Mikasa laughed despite herself, and nuzzled her shoulder to dry off her face. “I-I guess s-so,” she chattered, finding herself unable to stop smiling.

“I know so, and I’m your corporal, so my word over yours.”

She found that she couldn’t argue with that one, and just rolled her eyes.

“I saw that,” Levi quipped, tugging her by the wrist to start them walking back into the looming woods that begun some yards away. Mikasa tested her ankle, and found it was just fine. “But I’ll let it slide considering you just saved our asses. Just this once.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I hope that wasn’t sarcastic, Ackerman. I still have full rights to put you over my knee and punish you, which I’m sure is a priority on your end.”

He glanced back after that one, and in an uncharacteristic moment she chalked up to her exhilarating near-death experience, adrenaline, and weakness, she simply shrugged and mumbled, “I guess so.”

The dark-haired officer faltered mid-step, or so she imagined, and his hold on her wrist dug in just slightly. Just enough to let her know.

The words hung in the silence. Mikasa, still light-headed and reeling from the river, hid her pleasured smile in her scarf and savored that honey-like warmth that he so effortlessly summoned in her chest. And she was glad, and she was grateful, more than anything, that he was with her.

“...You’re treading a dangerous line,” he said seriously after a few seconds, and the mood shifted into something cold. As the crunch of rocks under her boots turned into the soft crush of leaves and underbrush as they reached the treeline, his words, all cool-politeness, processed.

Mikasa became starkly aware of many things at the same time. Staring blankly at his shoulders, barren of their cape (which sat wrapped securely around her own), she yanked her hand away abruptly.

A cool breeze swept through, reawakening the rampant cold of her wet clothes on her flesh, and she wrapped her arms around herself tightly, wincing at the fresh pain.

As a deep and grey silence stretched between them, she told herself, evenly, that it was important that he had said those words. Professional. It didn’t matter that in a span of days a thread had been created between them that she was all too-aware of, that let loose a raw pang of emotion whenever she touched it; they were in a very drastic position and Mikasa felt very small and more stupid than she had in a long, long time for letting that thread get the better of her. It didn't matter, any of those stupid moments that had collected inside of her, or the things he said, or the indescribable feelings he elicited. She knew all of these things were silly, in hindsight, and it stung bad to think it, but she clung to that shame she felt and reminded herself that growing closer as comrades was fine, encouraged even. But growing familiar was not.

Mikasa’s heartbeat left a dull ache every pump after that, and she ignored the pointed look Levi was directing at her.

There were more important things to dwell on. Like making it back. They weren’t out of the woods yet, figuratively and literally.

“Are you good enough to take to the trees?” Levi asked, sounding just as formal as before. Like he was talking to a stranger. His arms were folded across his chest, and he was staring at some fixed spot in the darkness.

“Yeah,” she said quietly.

Refusing to acknowledge the full protest of her limbs, muscles, and bones, Mikasa followed her corporal back into the branches, absently marveling at the speed in which Levi could move for someone to small and heavy.

It was almost funny how fast his walls went up, too.

Almost.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never had so much fun writing anything in my LIFE so y'all better enjoy the ever-loving shit out of this as much as I did >:))))))))

The next break came when Mikasa fell to her death.

Time held no concept in the endless labyrinth of trees, penetrated only by a quiet, looming darkness and speckled moonlight. The sound of river faded long ago, which may have only been a few minutes but she couldn’t tell at all, and was replaced by the occasional drifting wind, crickets. Mikasa couldn’t remember the last time in her life her body had been under so much agonizing strain — each fiber of her felt like an inferno of torture — but she dug out dregs of willpower in order to obediently followed the tormenting figure called Corporal anyway. She did not complain.

When it felt like her legs were going to snap in two the fireflies appeared. The sudden points of light startled her, and she jerked her hands to her blades only to realize stupidly that they were not the glinting eyes of titans. They created a long trail that wove through the wood, flashing in and out of existence, and amidst all the suffering in her body, there was finally a small, peaceful twinge.

She hadn’t seen fireflies in a long time, come to think of it. Night patrol hadn’t been on her schedule in ages, and as protocol demanded, all the other low-rank soldiers were in bed by nightfall. A sense of nostalgia made her yearn for Eren again, and her fingertips pinched her scarf to her face. Mikasa breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent that had turned faint, but the fragrance of pine still lingered, and she half-smiled. Like Levi, didn’t it?

That thought broke her from her dream. All at once, she became cripplingly aware of her every injury, her hypothermia, her aching heart. The world turned a lulling shade of black that drank itself of endless sleep. Falling didn’t feel real, as that was all she had been doing for so long now, and the absence of that fear was as welcoming as a fireplace and tea during winter, or waking up in the morning wrapped in the arms of someone you loved.

If a tree falls in the woods with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? Maybe, she thought, dying was that easy after all. It did not have to be a glorious fight to the end. It could be quiet, and pass unnoticed.

If a girl falls from a tree in the woods with no one around to care, she thinks it probably wouldn’t make a noise at all.

—-

Levi was a man who had no qualms with doing what he wanted to, when he wanted to, how he wanted to. So when he repeatedly, viciously, endlessly had the desire to turn around and mercilessly kiss the girl that trailed like a ghost behind him, and repeatedly, wretchedly, endlessly had to push the thought down and pretend it didn’t exist, it made for a very bizarre feeling in his stomach.

All of his muscles were taut with frustration, and it make his wounds hurt worse but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Furthermore, he was preoccupied with not only traveling through the branches, but also replaying the moment when Mikasa realized the meaning behind his words. How her dark eyes widened, imperceptibly, and turned blank. How she withdrew her hand from his as if it burned her. How all of her little things, her body language and aura and presence, shifted, collapsing in on herself until she was behind so many walls he didn’t think he’d ever truly see her again.

Maybe that was the thought that was the most painful. Riding on the miracle that they didn’t die one way or another and returned to their home alive, he would have to resign himself to the fact that they would probably be even more perfectly distant than they had been in the first place. The underlying animosity wouldn’t even be there to keep him warm at night, he thought with a hard smirk. Mikasa refused to look at him. To experience that, day by day in the corridors, knowing what lie underneath — a woman who was incomparably able to shape herself around him and be fiercesome, but be patient, and be intelligent, and kind, gentle, and so fucking strong he knew it was something just to behold her existence — wouldn’t that be the worst torment of all? To have her so close that he could simply reach out and touch her, but have that single motion be his undoing.

His head hurt. His limbs felt like they had been encased in solid metal. There was a fair chance that they were going to die in the next few hours.

Like a string tugging from the back of his neck, Levi suddenly felt a wave of sickening tingles and landed hard on the next bough, spinning rapidly on his heel to glance behind him. Instantly, his gaze sharpened and focused on the object of his distress, and time moved very slowly as he watched her body limpen like a puppet cut from its paddle.

Her name tore from his throat.

His mind felt hyperactive and sluggish, as if he hadn’t slept in days, and he cursed his aching body for reacting more slowly than he wanted. There was the simultaneous motions of his arm outstretched to catch her while his other refired his grapples to carry them. But she was falling much faster than he was moving, and his decision took scarcely a millisecond to process — he hit the gas and went spiraling onward with the extra kick of momentum.

He collided with her painfully, her ragdoll form crashing into his bruised ribs like concrete, and Levi hissed through his teeth as he struggled to extend his legs enough to land his feet on the next lowest branch, which was a frightful several meters below them. Jaw set, he prepared himself for the inevitably unpleasant impact that could break any number of his bones if he took it wrong. He could die, easily. They could die.

It would probably be his fault.

Something feral rose up in the marrow of his being, and when his heels hit the bark hard and dug in with their full weight, he heard it crack. There was nothing in his mind except wild, incoherent desperation, a rawness that he kept under lock and key, but when his lips curled and he heard a faint sound from Mikasa, it drained away like the color in his face.

“Mikasa?” His voice didn’t sound like his own — it was too tight, too hesitant — but wide-eyed, he acquiesced to his wobbling legs and gingerly lowered himself and Mikasa to the flat crook of the tree limb.

“Hey. Wake up — please. Mikasa, wake up.”

 _Don’t have a concussion_ , he thought, barely registering the slight tone of panic in his own mind. _Don’t be dead. Don’t die. Please, please, open your eyes. Let me see your eyes again._

“Mikasa. Please.”

Cradling her in her lap and trying to control his erratic breathing, all previous concerns of propriety and professional standards went out the window with his carefully-contained composure. His hands, almost shaking, cupped her face like it might shatter in his hold, and he stroked the apples of her cheeks anxiously. Her eyelashes glanced the tip of his thumb, and he swallowed hard, feeling an emotion well up in his throat like a stone, and—

She winced and made an unhappy noise, and Levi groaned out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“ _Mikasa_! Mikasa, listen to me, please listen to me you stupid, insolent girl. I am your Corporal. I am your commanding officer. And I am — I am ordering you to wake up. I’m ordering you to not die. God fucking damn it, I’m not carrying your body back. Not yours. Do you hear me? You’re coming back alive with me.” Something dangerous seemed to press at the back of his eyes, and Levi fiercely bit his lip, refusing to let it happen. His voice wavered. “Please, Mikasa. I need... I need you to just... wake up.”

Eternity held itself in the gap between his grim expression and her calm, blank features. Cruelty made it last longer, and Levi was struggling to keep a hold on himself while everything seemed to be crashing down around him.

And then her eyes opened. They were still the color of dark tea, and glazed over. But then she winced once more, and when he saw the lucidity enter them, Levi had to dig his nails into his own palm to stop himself from crushing her in his arms.

Immediately, she tried to sit up, but he was quicker and had his hands on her in a vice-like grip in the same instant.

“No.” He commanded, voice surprisingly even. As if he hadn’t been about to finally snap. “Sit still before you hurt yourself again.”

Mikasa made a grunt of protest, but didn’t seem to have much fight in her. Her head lolled toward his shoulder, and Levi almost smiled.

Having reached an unspoken compromise, they sat there in silence, Levi letting Mikasa rest in his arms while she warmed up again. Jackass of the century couldn’t begin to cover the level of self-depreciation he felt towards himself for neglecting to actually make sure she wasn’t going to die of cold, not to mention pressing onward with no regard to her physical state which was _obviously_ worse than his, as he had not just _carried himself through an entire fucking river_ , but...

“Wha’happened?”

Her voice was a murmur half-lost in his collar. Absently moving her bangs out of her eyes, he mused over how to best answer her.

“Well,” he began, “I turned around, and you were falling to your death. So I caught you.”

She didn’t reply for a full minute.

“...Why?”

Levi had to strangle his anger down first, but his reply was harsh and instantaneous: “I’m not going to validate that with a response.”

“You jus’ did.”

That one earned a smirk, mostly because he was relieved she was lucid enough to make wisecracks. Things turned quiet again. Levi thought she might’ve started dozing off, but she managed to sit up a little, and spoke up once more.

“We’re not gonna make it, are we, sir.”

The way she said it wasn’t really sad. Tired, sure, but not sad. It was like she was simply bringing up the weather. It was an easy, apathetic little quip, and that truly made it all the more miserable.

Worse still, Levi knew she was probably, definitely right. The hollow ache that resonated in his chest was testament to this acceptance.

Levi does the only thing he can think of, which is taking her hand in his and squeezing it tightly, drawing his calloused thumb back and forth over her knuckles, tracing soft circles on the back of her hand.

“Sorry,” she whispers after a moment.

“Don’t be.”

“I hate... I hate feeling so weak.” Her smile was bitter and remorseful. “It’s humiliating. And you’re the last person I wanted to be weak in front of.”

“I’d say I’m honored, but I’d be lying,” Levi said. “I’d much rather be someone you were comfortable being weak in front of.”

Mikasa takes a long, shaking breath, and screws her eyes shut. She’s obviously trying very hard not to cry, and Levi looks away out of respect.

The conversation lapses.

Eventually, Mikasa composes herself, and forces him to let her sit up. She sways for a moment and her hand flies to her head, pressing to it delicately, but she steadies herself and carefully scoots out of his hold.

He’d rather she didn’t. But he doesn’t stop her.

Mikasa nestles herself against an upward-spurning offshoot, hugging her knees drawn to her chest. He knows, rationally, it’s only a few small inches separating them, but it might as well be a hundred miles.

“So,” she starts, solemnly, “What are soldiers supposed to do when they know they’re about to die?”

“Glad to hear you starting off with easy questions. I can’t say, really. I’ve never thought about it myself.”

“Really?” She sounds genuinely surprised. “Haven’t you thought about dying?”

“Of course I have. Just never thought about my last moments. Presumably I’d be torn in half or digesting in the stomach acid of one of those disgusting shiteaters.”

“Appetizing,” she says dryly, and he playfully scuffs her boot with his own in response.

“It doesn’t hurt being the greatest soldier in the land,” he continues half-seriously after a moment. “Pretend to be invincible long enough and it helps let it sink in. A long while back, when I was fresh meat, I sometimes found myself thinking as I went in to kill one — ‘If anyone can do this, I can. I will.’ And I did. And it helped.”

“I understand.”

He was going to roll his eyes, going to quip something like “No, you don’t”, but the urge died as he corrected himself. Yes, actually. She could understand.

It was a strange, unfamiliar feeling.

“To answer your original question, the rational ones yell for help.” He keeps talking, not because he likes running his mouth, but that feeling is creeping into him at an alarming rate and turning into something he had been trying so desperately to get rid of. “A very rare few have some last words to pass on to their loved ones. Even less manage to shout out orders.”

Mikasa sighs, and adds with dark humor, “And the ones who are stranded?”

There’s a lump in his throat that wasn’t there before.

 

There’s safety in this darkness.

She’s in the fetal position against this dumb tree, cradling her knees and resting her aching, tired eyes against them. Like this, she can only hear the night, and her heartbeat, and Levi.

Levi, who is surprisingly relaxed amidst all of this chaos. Mikasa can’t tell if that’s a sign of him having completely given up, or that he just has more true grit than she. But that thought leaves quickly, and she is reminded of her embarrassment, her weakness. Mikasa had dealt with many things — starvation, the grueling training, the death of not one, but two families, the constant strain of protecting herself and her loved ones, watching her comrades die in every way possible — but this one was the one that was breaking her. It was the duration, probably. The hopelessness. Most deaths were relatively quick, but this? This one was long, drawn out, the kind where time becomes meaningless. It gives you too much time to think about it. It eats away at you slowly.

She wasn’t dying alone, though, and she couldn’t tell if she was thankful for that or not, yet.

Levi shifted on the branch, and her throat tightened, expression stiffened. She did not want to watch this man die. It would, infinitely, be worse than any of the others.

“The ones who are stranded,” he began slowly, objectively. “Hmm.”

She hears him sigh — he doesn’t do that often, she thinks — followed by the grating of his boots against the bark as he keeps going. “I’ve heard stories of some singing, and some who write in journals. Suicide is a well-explored option.”

“Has anyone else ever made it home?” She can’t help but ask. Deep within her, she is desperate for him to say yes, but she’s distracted when she sees his form shift in the darkness, rising to his full height. Her heart misses a beat. What is he doing?

“Not that I know of,” he says, and adds, “and they were stupid for trying.”

He takes a small step towards her, and she feels small. Are they leaving? All of her aches at the dread of moving on, especially after what’s been said, and Mikasa thinks she feels something prickling at her eyes. But then Levi is speaking again. She barely catches him mumbling, almost indecipherable, but makes out “...others have done stupider things...” and suddenly he is surrounding her.

She doesn’t want to die without telling him — telling him, whatever it was, that titanic and devouring thrum that he made hunger in her, or how she felt, whatever that really was. A thousand words enter her mouth, poised to spill everything, but they never make it out.

He’s inches from her face, just like before. She can feel his breath as he exhales shakily.

Levi’s voice is a rough whisper.

“This is going to happen once, and only once. Don’t talk.”

His breath is gone and replaced with his lips crushing against hers.

Her eyes go wide as she tries to process all of the sudden sensory input at once. His mouth is powerful and just slightly warmer than her hers, and she’s kissing him back before she thinks anything coherent. Nervousness mingles and loses itself in the drowning sensation of him kissing her, and she shuts her eyes, savouring the contact. His head tilts a fraction to the left, his nose brushing her cheek and his messy bangs shrouding her own, and he breathes out slowly through his nose, and every single thing sends electricity down her skin.

And she wants more.

Nerves flutter again, unsure of how to go about it, but she timidly presses closer to him, lowering her knees so that she can lean up into him. She doesn’t want him to stop. She peeks out of one eye, and tenses as he sees his own open to look at her. He stiffens. His mouth feels hotter, now, and his lips have drifted very slightly over hers like he’s going to draw back. Every fiber of her being resists that idea in a single, faint, knee-jerk whine that comes from the back of her throat.

That was all it took.

He gasps against her mouth like he hasn’t been breathing, and drops to his knees so fast the branch they’re on trembles. Restraint is all but abandoned — their mouths find each other again with the help of his urgent hands that cradle her face tightly. What she thought had been pleasurable before paled in comparison to how he kissed her now. It was like the world had turned on its side. Her hands finally found his chest and she grasped at his shirt to keep herself upright.

He smothered her mouth with his own over and over, searing it each time, and her head is still spinning as she hazily parts her lips. Levi accepts the invitation without thinking, sucking the bottom one into his mouth as his right hand drags down her neck, thumb caressing her throat like he did before. She makes another sound when he bites, very gently, and it is followed with a sudden surge of molten warmth that shoots straight down and settles in her core. Her thighs shift uncomfortably with the feeling, but they’re held still when one of his hands slide down to her hips and stills her.

He bites her lip harder. She’s shaking, now, and clawing her way closer to him, as he is to her. There’s something _more_ , she’s sure of it, she just needs to find it, and she frustratedly goes to bite _his_  lip when she catches the taste of it, and in the time it takes her to blink, he’s broken away, chest heaving and dark eyes swimming wildly with fervor.

Her own thoughts are cloudy and vague, and it feels like all of her nerves are submerged in blissful heat. She scarcely realizes that she’s panting, too, and that she is practically on top of her Corporal. But Levi’s slack-jawed face is only a second’s time away from hers, and her racing heart quickens.

He must have seen her intention. His hands, his scorching, calloused hands that traveled all over her but barely touching, were suddenly at her collarbone and jawline, cementing her in place.

Mikasa frowned in protest, and licked her lips, and his gaze flickered to them dangerously. He frowns back, but his is a warning — a very weak-willed warning, but a warning regardless: _Don’t_.

Her brow furrows, and cheeks pinch in complaint. _Why?_

Levi responds with a long, wavering exhale, and he licks his own bottom lip and bites it as she sees his jaw flex and set. His stare was nothing like she’d seen. The swirling, yearning desire smoldered in his eyes, and the light turned them an odd shade that she couldn’t even put a name to.

Mikasa slumps slightly, and he lets her. But he doesn’t move away, and doesn’t let her go, but that’s fine because she knows she might fall again if he did. It’s with a touch of a smirk that she knows that he knows it, too.

It’s with a peculiar start that Mikasa realizes that they have been speaking without saying a single word.

What had happened? Over-sensitized and much more awake, Mikasa searches Levi’s face that’s only just begun to stubble in the corners. Did he realize it, too? What changed?

With his brow creasing, he tilts his head at her in questioning.

Her heart can’t seem to keep a steady beat, and her mind whirrs with confusion. A conclusion comes to her, just barely — that thread she had felt before was stronger. And his walls — her walls — they were gone. Down. But they weren’t. Somewhere along the line, it was like they had gotten mixed up somewhere, and now they were closed in together.

Levi is growing concerned now, at her evident conflict, and when he finally opens his mouth to speak, he is silenced by Mikasa’s cry.

It hits her all at once and she blurts it out in a panic in the same millisecond. She could see his stubble. The light turned his eyes an odd shade...

“ _The sun’s coming up_!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH to the people who reviewed and really helped me get my ass back in gear!!!!! i cannot apologize enough for the insanely long hiatus this went on :( i was a little stuck on the beginning part of this one at first but i think (i hope) i pushed through it and it all came out okay... there should only be one chapter left after this, guys!! aaaaAAAAAAAAAAADSJFKSFKdsfls ENJOY!!!!!

The cry seems to stretch on forever through the space, bouncing and carrying past each branch before fading into nothing against the creeping dawn.

Levi’s eyes widened slowly and steadily until she could see the bloodshot red rimming them. His mouth opened and he said not a word. Then, his expression hardened, body jerking to stand up.

“We have to leave.”

There were other wordless commands there — no more breaks. I’m sorry. This isn’t over. We can’t afford to slow down. This is our last shot. I’m sorry. I have to be your commander now. I’m sorry.

Panic bubbled and brought Mikasa lightly to her feet, her second and probably last wind quickly following. Her whole body wracked with the potent combination of nerves and exhaustion, and as her mind clicked into battle mode the tunnel vision set in.

A gentle, calloused hand on hers broke the spell, and Mikasa flinched, eyes wild.

“Hey. Look at me.”

She obeyed. Levi looked tired and calm; the face of deep, dark waters asking for a kiss, she thought. She’d read something like that long ago, and felt that she understood it now.

His other hand reached out and just barely brushed her cheekbone. The gesture was unexpectedly intimate, and Mikasa swallowed thickly—

“Stay with me, Mikasa.”

She would have been lying if she said she understood the full meaning of his words. Part of her wondered what he was really saying, but her head nodded numbly anyway and then her skin felt the chilly bite of air where his touch had already left her.

Levi stretched for a short moment, rolling his neck with a sharp crack. Then, for the last time, they were off again.

 

Before, traveling in near-blackness, there was at least the comfort that almost every titan would be asleep. Now, she had to work not to obsessively scan the ground far beneath them for a glimpse of heaving flesh. And sometimes, she saw them — eyes shut, almost peaceful in their foreboding slumber. She hated them for that, sleeping without a care in the world, with no want of shelter or happiness or fear of not having their next meal or losing someone you loved at any moment. Ireful with her resentment, she had half a mind to spit on the next one she saw, but her mouth was too dry to anyway.

Plus, periodically she would blink and reality would vanish in front of her, two leaps ahead of where she had been seconds before, never noticing any of it. She was strong, stronger than almost everyone, but her life was not infinite and her body still very painfully, humblingly mortal. It was not going to last much longer, and it frightened her.

Mikasa had never been one to feel like a rabbit. Even when she was small, she felt too burdenless, too loved to begin to worry about herself, let alone others. And as she got older — read: as she followed in the smoldering footsteps of Eren Jaeger — she would, unquestioningly, consider herself one of the most lionhearted people she knew. She knew no fear, not really. She breathed bravery. Embodied unstoppable. Deep down, Mikasa harbored something powerful and fiercesome, innate in her design.

And now, chasing the dying night into the unrepentant sunrise that the edge of the earth promised, she was small, and afraid, and blindly following the last shred of hope her mind could comprehend.

It wasn’t fair that Levi could keep it together for so long as he had. He’d watched a hundred, a thousand soldiers all throw their bodies to death’s jaws literally and figuratively, and watched them do it again. Some of them were almost nameless, and others too close for comfort, but she knew each one splintered him like a nail hammered into wood. Every mission began and ended with high hopes and a heavy heart. The permanently dark circles under and in his eyes were not to be questioned, and neither were hers.

She understood. Her only consolation prize was Eren Jaeger, and with that thought, Mikasa’s body felt more leaden and crooked than ever. Her heart, strained to its physical limits, ached and pounded at the image of her brother’s brazen smile and burning eyes in her head, and her mind dissolved into an incoherent downpour of raw and blistering emotions.

He’d be angry with her, for certain. He’d cry at first because that was just the type of person he was, and then he would be angry. Mikasa hadn’t thought much about how this mess was at least partially her fault, but maybe also Levi’s in a way, and passingly wondered if things would have been better or worse if it had just been one of them left behind.

The thought of being safe at the base, warm and fed and only appropriately concerned about their infamous Corporal, lacerated her with melancholy and regret that didn’t make sense, and with a sickening twist in her gut she wondered just when she had become so attached to the man that spurned ever-forward in front of her.

There was color in the trees now, and the foliage far beneath them transformed from dark, shuddering masses into discernible bushes and shrubs of their own. The air was still tinted a deep blue-grey from the clutches of night, but it was fading every time she blinked.

In her scrambled thoughts, torn between keeping her balance and mindlessly picking out the shapes of the sleeping titans that appear every now and again and wondering if Eren is safe, she tries to identify landmarks. Maybe, just maybe, a tree will look familiar. Maybe a path will appear, trodden with wagon wheel trails and hoof prints. Maybe the never-ending labyrinth of trees will finally end, and the great Wall will be gazing back at her with open arms.

Wind whipping at her stinging cheeks, she remembers that they may very well be heading in completely the wrong direction, and she feels a little more of her sanity slip away through the cracks just as Levi’s arm suddenly flies out and he veers to a halt.

The abrupt change in their monotonous hell made her blood rush to her head and nearly knock her unconscious, but she clings to the waking world as she less-than-gracefully lands on the branch beside him.

“What is it?” she asks. Levi, stone-faced, nods at an opening in the trees a hundred yards from them. Eyes adjusting, she finally notices the lumbering movement.

The titan is tall enough that she can’t even see its collarbone, and its skin is an uncommonly ruddy color, darker than Ymir’s. It’s a wonder that Levi spotted it amongst the obscuring trees.

It’s walking towards them.

Her heart chokes her throat, and Levi finally speaks.

“It hasn’t seen us yet.”

His words are matter-of-fact and hollow, providing no real comfort but some solidness, something to hold onto.

“What do we do?” Mikasa whispers back.

Levi is quiet for a long time. Then, he says, “Hide.”

They move lithely, hopping unsteadily down a branch or two and then sidling around to the back of the tree’s trunk, on the opposite side of where the titan meanders toward them. There’s barely enough room on the single branch, but they’re pressed tight against the bark and each other, chests heaving as they pant, exhaustion fighting tooth and nail to catch up with them.

It is with great difficulty that Levi manages to get out, “If it sees us... we run. Do you understand? We run.”

Mikasa nods quickly, looking more like a ghost than a girl, and slightly unhinged terror grips Levi’s heart.

“I said, _do you understand?_ ” he hisses into the strands of her hair, and Mikasa finally croaks back, “Yes, sir.”

He didn’t know why he needed to hear her say that. But the words, obedient and real, were a drop of ambrosia to his fogged psyche, faltering limbs. Half the vision in his left eye had gone an ominous black with little popping white dots around the edges, but he found his lip crooking up at the corner anyway.

This would be an alright way to die. This could be okay.

The shifting of her body startled him from his daze, and he was about to snap at her to quiet down lest the bumbling death monster saw them until her palm rested against the curve of his jaw, feeling like it was a blissful thousand degrees. He wondered if she was coming down with something, but the plain concern in her expression cut him off.

“You’re freezing,” she whispers. Only after he says it does he realize that he’s trembling violently and can't feel any of his extremities.

Stiffening, he tries to play it off — “That should be the least of our concerns right now.” — but her hand is suddenly gone and he sees a blur of vermilion before thick, cozy fabric brushes against his cheek and wraps snugly around his neck and chin. It reeks of her scent, making him light-headed and dizzy.

If he had known that he only had a few more stolen moments to look at her face and savour her warmth from her scarf, he would have studied harder. Memorized the exact shade the inevitable sunrise was making her eyes turn, maybe, and how her lips pursed into something like satisfaction and worry.

Instead, as she leans back, the salve that had been tucked into her pocket dislodges from all the erratic movement, and they can only watch in silent horror as it clatters down the branch, bowl breaking and knocking down into separate pieces that bounce off more boughs and impale tufts of leaves and making a distinctly unnatural noise amidst the sounds of morning in the forest.

He feels rather than hears her breathing pitch, and the steady pound of the titan’s feet alter. Mikasa is still seething, horrorstruck, at the clump of bushes where the broken bowl landed, unable to look away from its act of betrayal. No real amount of time passes that Levi can measure, his mind is so blank and unmoving, until his body automatically moves on its own and he braces his fingernails into the coarse tree bark, splitting some of them, then leaning around just enough to see beyond the trunk.

A flock of blackbirds, raucous in their flurry, all awaken and pelt away from the surrounding trees, and Levi stares up into the hideous, splitting-smile of the titan, who looks straight back at him.

“Mikasa,” he says. “Run.”

She didn’t seem to register what he said. He knows it’s coming, its massive hand reaching to pluck them from the tree like ripe fruit, and with a snarl he twists back and shoves his soldier as hard as he can from the limb. He trusts her reflexes, and she screams, but her gear fires and then he’s chasing after her.

They had only a short interval to lose the thing and gain as much ground as they possibly could. They scrambled through the trees with no finesse, fueled only by the most base instincts to flee and live and get away from that which would kill them. It only does so much to mask the pain in Levi’s limp leg, the throbbing in his head, the constant piercing in his side that hurts more with every harsh gasp of air. Keeping up with Mikasa is a battle in itself.

The sun seemed to break from the clouds, then; the world turns from a misty twilight to a pale, summer’s indigo. The treeline, once invisible a short distance away, sharpens into distinct lines, and he almost — almost — cannot believe what he is seeing only a few hundred yards ahead.

Corporal Levi Ackerman is awarded two more soaring leaps towards the end of the forest and he can see the high grey of the Walls a mile or two away when his right knee buckles and his ankle bends funny with it. His fall is immediate and messy, and knocks the air from his burning lungs as he hits a bending branch beneath him, back-first.

Fumbling with sweaty fingers, he tries to shoot his hooks and stave off the next crash, only minorly successful; one of them catches, but the other retracts, and as he loosely swings something large closes around him and all he sees is darkness.

Possessed, he half-cries out with fury and panic and hatred as he writhes in the titan’s giant hand. His ears prick up at the sound of Mikasa’s voice, though he can’t tell what she’s saying, and all he can do is fight to grab his blades and unsheathe them fast enough. He doesn’t know how far ahead she got when he fell, doesn’t know how fast this titan intends on eating him, and his body isn’t working the way its supposed to. Heavy with pain and wounds inside and out and a long, sleepless night, his leg feels like it’s not there anymore and no matter how much he sucks in air it doesn’t seem to be enough, doesn’t seem like it’s quite reaching his lungs. Nothing seems to be working. The blood in his ears is deafening, and he doesn’t think about dying. He just keeps trying to close his fingers around the handles, and wrench the swords from their binding.

The titan’s grip tightens. Something snaps. Something shifts. The blades come loose, and with an inhuman noise and muscles taut and rippling in his shoulders and arms, Levi rips out and up and around, each slick cut finding purchase and tearing open steaming-hot flesh, coating him in blood and freeing him.

“LEVI!”

Strength all but gone, the air whips at his face as he falls again. There’s a loud _BANG_ , whizzing, a glinting blur of Mikasa as she hits the gas and makes an absolutely perfect cut through the titan’s achilles tendons and then smashes into him on the upswing.

It’s all her gear can take. The wires mangle in a particularly thick set of brambles and seem to knot before snapping clean out from their dented casing. They hit the ground with a hideous crunch and more birds and small animals are fleeing the scene, followed by the aftershock of the the titan slamming into the earth, felling one tree on its way down.

“Levi? Sir? Are you alive?”

Mikasa is near-hyperventilation as she stares down at what might be the corpse of her corporal, but his eyes screw shut and his chest swells and he barely manages to hack up a splatter of blood to the side, staining the grass dark crimson.

“Levi? Oh god, no, no, no no no.”

He’s crippled and borderline unconscious, and behind them she can hear the deep grunts of the deterred titan. Her hands are raw and shaking, still clinging to her blades for dear life, and it isn’t until Levi’s squinting at her through one good eye and cursing at her through red-smeared lips that she is spurred into action.

“Run, you idiot,” he rasps. “Run. Leave me and fucking run. That’s... that’s an order.”

Mikasa stares at him for a moment longer, and then scowls. There’s a hard glint in her eye and Levi goes half-crazy when he sees it, coughing up a storm but still trying with vitriol to convince her otherwise.

With two flicks of her wrist, she slices the leather that holds her ruined 3DMG to her waist and legs, and it hits the ground with a metallic thud, dull blades clattering beside it.

“D-don’t... god d-damn it, Mikasa, don’t...!”

It’s too late. She’s all but ignoring him as she hauls him up from the ground and gets him onto her back with more difficulty than anything she’s ever done before. He’s heavier now than he was at the river, and there’s a damp heat of blood that isn't hers trickling on her unfamiliarly bare neck, but his strong arms weakly wrap around her shoulders and he begrudgingly lets her take his weight.

“Fool,” he froths out, bubbles in his throat as she adjusts him, already moving forward. “You’re... going to get both of us... killed...”

But a life is a heavy burden to bear.

“I won’t.”

Running is difficult, but she manages to keep a somewhat steady jog, constantly struggling to keep Levi balanced on her back. His breathing is laboured against her ear, and she thinks he might be burying his face into her hair, and she’s not going to start crying now, not when she can see the break in the trees and a long stretch of grass.

“Mikasa,” Levi croaks again. “P-put... put me down.”

She swallows hard and the sunlight hits her face as her muscles begin to lock up, the cramping too much for them to take, but she grunts and heaves and holds him anyway. The sun’s already clearing up the morning fog, and as she glances back, she sees the titan crawling desperately after them, earnest for its meal, and at her pace it’s already gaining on them.

Mikasa snaps back to look ahead and tries to move faster. She realizes that the shape she saw past the fog was the Wall.

She runs. As much as she can, she runs, if it can even be called that.

Levi’s weight bounces perilously on her back and more than once she stumbles, thighs searing and calves begging to give out on her. The titan was regenerating already, surely, and she could not — would not — lose this now, would not lose him. They were so close. They had come so far.

Levi was too quiet.

Newfound panic bubbled in her.

“Corporal?” Her voice is several octaves too high. No. He couldn’t be dead. He promised — promised her — that she would not carry his body back home, not like this. She couldn’t let him die on her back, in her arms. Her resolved faltered, and her voice wavered with her ache.

"Corporal. Corporal, please don't do this. Not now. Not ever. Please, _please_ stay awake."

"Nngh... Fuckin'... Ackerman..."

Her heart stills and then moves like lightning hit it.

"Sir!" she cried.

Levi's head lolls on her shoulder and she constantly readjusts his weight, but he is slippery with blood and seems absent.

"Whhh... what."

All at once, everything Mikasa had preciously kept inside of her, every vicious and valuable memory, every heartfelt feeling and every attempt to rewrite herself into a woman of strength and ability, came crashing down like a summer downpour, thunder and all. Tears burned against her eyes instantly, and spilled, and her already hard breathing turned into hiccups and gasps as she wept, sobbed.

She looks back again. The titan still followed, lumbering and groggy and dragging itself across the field like some fat infant that hadn't yet learned to walk. The ground smeared and crumpled underneath it, crushing wayward saplings not yet strong enough to withstand the brute.

And now, now the sun was alive, too, and the sky was so awfully almost-blue. Every faint, puffy, luminous cloud laughed at her. The sunshine was bright and hot but the air was cool with Autumn looming. The Wall was there — right there, in front of her — and the trees were thinning more and more and she could see the clear path she needed to take to make it there.

"Sir," she bleats, sobbing more. "Sir, don't die. Please not now."

She had to pause to heave him up on her back, but Levi's weight sags and she tilts, barely able to keep herself stable. The tipping seemed to have jolted him a bit, though, and he grunts, taking a deep breath.

"Shut up, Mikasa," he manages to say. His voice was rough against her neck, and the ground trembled with the titan coming nearer, its legs probably finally regenerating.

Her vision is blurred dangerously and she is just as close to passing out and never waking up again, but she can see the Walls, right there, right in front of them, such a short distance away. But there was no gate in sight, and no patrols. Her weak jog faded into a half-hearted trudge, and Mikasa looked back once more, and saw that the titan was on its feet, ankles healed like nothing happened at all.

It was such a beautiful day. It was unfair that she would have to die on it.

Mikasa Ackerman’s heart broke at that thought.

Gently, she let her corporal down, and her back sang with relief. Levi was still breathing, but his eyes looked to be rolling back in his head, and her face is the picture of a soldier’s quiet resolve as she pried his blades from their holsters and sat him up properly.

“Sir, I... I need you to stay with me for just a moment longer. We’re almost there.”

There’s a deep, wet sound from Levi’s chest, and Mikasa grimaces before picking up her speed. Grabbing his triggers, she hurried to place them in his hands, and then braced herself behind him from the ground, trying to eye the perfect point on the battlement. The ground is shaking and it’s distracting, but she thinks she can make the shot and get him to safety.

Mikasa takes a last breath and shuts her eyes to keep the taste of pine and tea and dirt and blood, all so distinctly Levi, inside of her, and when she opens them the titan’s shadow has just begun to cast over them, and her heart slows and hurts, hurts, hurts.

She says a silent goodbye, and thank you, and prayer, and hopes that they will get to her corporal before the vultures do. She thinks of Eren. She thinks of the woman she was before this mission, and who she became by the end of it.

Squatting so that she can jump back once the gear has fired, Mikasa squeezes Levi’s hand in hers one last time before pressing down.

“Oh no you _don’t_.”

The hiss catches her entirely off-guard, and it provides enough opportunity for a solid, strong arm to wrap around her waist, fingers biting hard enough to bruise into her stomach before everything turns sideways and the force of a cannon is on her, the sound of the maneuver gear blasting into her ears violently. There’s a firm, satisfying _CLANG_ of the hooks finding purchase against the old stone, and then a deafening groan and shrill as the wires strain against the combined weight of them, yanking them up and up and out of the grasp of the titan that paws at them only a few feet beneath them.

Just as they’re about to reach the top, the gears jerk to a grinding halt, and Mikasa can feel Levi’s grip slipping on her. Her shirt’s button are popping and ripping and she can feel his nails cutting into her skin as he tries to maintain his hold, and he growls out a few choice, foul words before reaching up with his free arm and dragging their bodies up the wall.

It feels like the bones in his arms are about to break, and maybe they have. He can’t see anything except a bright black and blinding white contrast, and his spit tastes dry and sour, and Mikasa cries out with the last of her reserves as she reaches up, too, and snatches up her own hold on the surface.

An eternity passes in small inches. And then, with one last heave, both of them peak and then tumble over the edge, hitting the cold, stone floor in a heap of blood and filth.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  _Do not speak ill of the Blackbirds_   
>  _Do not speak ill of their love_   
>  _Their feathers are blackened and burdened with blood_   
>  _And to speak of the Blackbirds_   
>  _Means the Blackbirds must come._   
> 

Levi had never been one to feel weak.

Wounded, perhaps. Tired, on occasion, and exhausted more regularly. Spent. But never weak. Now, melting into a suffocating grey smog that pushed back at him and made him want nothing more than to ignore the pain that ran through his entire body and go back to sleep.

That was not an option, however. He was a corporal, first and foremost. He had responsibilities that could not be completed if he was so weak that he decided to sleep half his life away.

But god, did he feel _weak_.

It had never taken so much out of him to stop his head from swimming and figure out which direction was up, let alone open his burning eyes that throbbed at the faint candlelight in the room. The pain all culminated in his head with a pounding like hoofbeats of an army, bruising his skull from the inside. It was hard to think through this kind of disembodiment.

What had happened to him?

Levi blinked once, twice at the blurry ceiling. Nothing came to him. Venturing to sit up, every muscle and tendon and bone in him protested with an inferno, and he swallowed down a wave of nausea. His mouth was dry, and he was incredibly parched. It felt like his gums were bleeding.

One bandaged hand staggered to his nightstand and was blessed to find a full glass of water, which he drank deeply. Nothing had tasted so good. The well water had been fine, but this was—

The water splattered across his sheets as he balked. A deep rasp from his chest followed.

What time was it? How long had he been out? Most of him was mended in white strips of cloth and dressings in some way, his pale skin marred with huge yellowing bruises that were indigo at the core.

He wasn’t dead. That was the important part. And since there was not a soul in his room, he assumed he wasn’t dying, either.

Levi vigorously threw the covers off and hauled himself bodily from the warm bed with grit teeth, bared and hissing as he breathed roughly. Every movement was a promise of vast and sharp, crackling agony in all of him, but that didn’t matter. His legs didn’t give when his bare feet touched the cold stone floor. He still wasn’t dying. He could walk. He could keep going.

He dragged himself to his door and thought of nothing else but her corpse.

\---

She had to be okay.

Everything in Levi's body hurt and he felt vomit curdling too close to his tonsils, but he swallowed it down and grit his teeth and kept walking. Stumbling. His calloused hands dragged along the wall, and air puffed hard from his lungs, and he still he dragged. He felt where it seemed like a cannonball had hit the side of his face, and what felt like a wagon had run over his ribs, but he kept going.

Candles were lit in the hallway, and it was too quiet, signifying that it was probably the middle of the night. Levi passingly wondered how long he'd been out since he chucked his body onto the wall with Mikasa in tow, but the more potent thought was if the girl was still breathing.

A walk that should have only taken a few minutes dilated into about ten at his broken speed. His heart was choking itself to death in his chest as his gaze found her plain, wooden door, no different from any other’s. He had not paused before opening his door, but at hers his hand froze in midair, shaking before the tarnished knob.

Levi exhaled harshly with his eyes screwed shut. This room would either be empty or occupied. Mikasa would be dead, or she would be sleeping. An empty room meant an unmoving girl, tucked away in the basement with the others, waiting for her turn to find peace in the earth. An occupied room... A room with a resting form inside, breathing, resting, waiting...

Hope sprung eternal, no matter how much he tried to not let it do so. Hope could cause more grief than even the gravest injury.

The knob turned, and the door opened silently and easily. Levi winces first, eyes hurting from the candles burning earnestly, before focusing on a form sitting in a plain chair. Its shoulders bob as it follows its rhythm, and as his vision clears fully, he realizes it is the Braus girl, steadily peeling an apple between her hands and humming a folk song.

His first step into the room echoes, and she halts.

“S-sir?” Braus stammers, wide-eyed at the sight of the battered corporal.

The next thing his eyes trail to is the bed that she sits beside. Her body shields the head, so he stumbles forward to get a better look, and he sees the swell of the sheets folding over a body, its weight sinking into the bed.

Mikasa’s eyelashes are dark and rest on her cheeks, fluttering only faintly as she dreams. Her hair looks matted, and her skin a little damp from the stuffy room, but her chest rises and falls in time with his next breath.

Levi stares at her like he has never seen her before in his life.

“...Sir?”

He doesn’t look away from Mikasa. Hoarsely, he commands, “Leave.”

The apple is left forgotten on the nightstand and the door shuts behind her soundlessly. Corporal Levi takes three more steps, and then collapses at the bed. He smiles more openly than he ever believed he had the ability to. Relief makes his knees weak, and he welcomes it.

Everything comes crashing down on him.

Craving for the tangible promise of her skin, warm and alive and real, he reaches out and takes her hand in his, squeezing it too tightly, afraid that it will slip away. He chokes up at the thought, torn at the reality that he had almost lost her yet had not.

“I’m... I’m sorry,” he manages to rasp out the most difficult words in his vocabulary. His eyes feel swollen and hot, burning as something drips from them. “I’m so sorry.”

His forehead is pressed to the back of her hand as he trembles. He whispers his apology again. He cannot apologize enough.

And her fingers wrap around his.

Levi’s head shoots up and his throat closes on itself. Mikasa is shifting, glassy-eyed and pale as she tries to sit up, and he blinks back the sudden tears as he tries to meet her. Shuffling up from his knees is difficult, but he makes his way to his feet, drawing closer to her, never sacrificing his vice-like grip on her hands.

“Mikasa.” He speaks the name with reverence, and it follows with the one regret that has haunted him since he’d spoken the order to her in the trees: “I should have never... _never_ , in a thousands years, told you to remain silent.”

It’s a long moment before Mikasa understands the implication of what he’s saying to her, and remember the incident. And just like that, she is overwhelmed. Her lips part as she fumbles for words that she can’t find.

He can’t, he absolutely cannot be this far away from her much longer. A handful of inches is the world’s greatest hell.

Against any reasonable judgment, Levi crawls closer to her and twines their fingers together. He hasn’t been this close to anyone since... since a very long, unpleasant time ago, and the sensation of her holding his hand back is foreign, yet enthralling all the same. Even in her state, he feels weightless currents running through where their palms meet and straight up into his veins like poison or medicine or both. Funny, he thinks, how after all of this, here he is, recharging off of only her skin. Ridiculous. Absurd.

Something bordering on perfection.

“Corporal?” is the first word she settles on. Her voice is raspy and soft like dust, but holds all her fears and hopes and uncertainties.

“Levi,” he corrects her. “It’s Levi.”

He lets her stare at her as that sinks in. And for possibly the first time, he watches as her eyes crescent and her lips curve and she melts into a sincere, heart breaking smile that leaves him breathless.

“Alright,” she says, evenly this time. “Levi it is.”

Levi feels his own mouth crooking upwards, but has the soundness of mind to keep it on a tight leash. It doesn’t stop his heart from pounding, or his other desires from acting on his behalf.

“Is it alright if I kiss you?” Mikasa’s eyes flutter and widen, and she swallows thickly, and the room is stifling. He already knows the answer before he leans in and captures her lips against his.

Neither of them are in a good state, but Ackermans are known for their relentlessness, if nothing else. Levi does everything in his power to keep it slow and gentle, but something in him claws to get out and it’s all he can do to not let his hands go further than cradling her face featherlightly.

Mikasa isn’t much better off. Her head feels like it’s upside-down and that her insides are in knots upon knots upon knots, but it’s all tinged with something downright intoxicating that she craves more of. So, she kisses him harder. Her hands ghost over his, trapping them against her, and suddenly there is no way out of this.

They barely have time to breathe in between kisses. Levi’s mouth is insistent and firm while hers is searching and desperate, taking everything he has to offer. It burns and she feels alive. When his tongue rolls against the seam of her mouth, she gasps sharply and is overwhelmed once more by the newfound, heady sensation of it against her own. It should be wet and messy and far too intimate, but she finds herself losing herself willingly in it. And he tastes, mercilessly, like Levi.

She wants more.

Mikasa coaxes his tongue deeper and reaches out to let her hands rest naturally on his tense thighs. Discreetly, she drags her nails against the fabric of his trousers, and is rewarded with the rumble of Levi’s throat. Her core throbs agonizingly and her heart is too swollen for her chest, and all of her body yearns for some sort of release from this cloud of pleasure. Just as she vaguely thinks to pull him closer, one of his hands slide down and drifts to the swell where her waist meets her hips.

It’s a light touch, but it’s electric none the less. Mikasa makes a noise unwillingly in response, and the same hand tightens automatically while his other fingers begin tangling in the strands of her hair.

 _He can be closer_ , she thinks. _I want him closer._ Closer and closer until she loses track of where he starts and she ends.

She tries to grab at his pants and tug, but the material is stretched too tight to hold. Frustrated, she grabs further upwards and catches the loops of his belt, and Levi’s breath catches and the first bead of sweat rolls down her neck and she’s dizzy, honestly, but then she’s hollow and he’s pried away from her to push her firmly but gently into her pillows.

“Why are you stopping?” she protests, thoroughly breathless and lips glistening and swollen red. “I’m fine. I’m really fine.”

What she doesn’t know is that he is dizzy as well and ready to make many mistakes, but he doesn’t clue her in — instead, he cranes in and nips her ear, whispering, “ _Later_.”

A promise and a warning.

\---

It’s a lifetime of bedrest and questions — there are a myriad of internal injuries, but they heal more quickly than they should, and the report of the abandoned township reaches far into the depths of confoundment and unanswered questions — but remarkably, no one breathes a word of his possessed flight to her room. Levi is polite enough to call Sasha to his office and tell her a location where a package will be awaiting her, which she will find to be holding a fine cut of meat. She doesn’t thank him so much as beam at him once from across the mess hall. He merely holds her gaze a second longer than usual before turning back to his tea.

He wondered, once or twice, if maybe the woods had just startled the chemistry between them, kindled it with their life-or-death emotions. Maybe he’ll wake up in the morning and not immediately think of her. Maybe they’ll pass each other in the hall, and all traces of attraction will be gone, leaving nothing but a thick, awkward weight in the air.

It didn’t. He doesn’t. They don’t.

There is a wave of relief every time he sees her; she becomes increasingly radiant as her skin regains its color and her bruises fade, and when they converse, he speaks to her naturally, perfectly relaxed.

Partners in crime.

She, meanwhile, is still a little overwhelmed every time she sees his figure in the vicinity, hears the captivating timbre of his voice spitting out complaints and cruel remarks about whatever is pissing him off at the moment. It’s strangely wonderful to be able to speak openly with someone who knows what her emotions are flickering to before she even can.

And the thin thread grows stronger all the time.

After all, there is no other way he would know exactly where she was wandering down the hall in the middle of the night. And there was certainly no other way she would have known he was wide awake as well.

There is no other way, when he turns the corner and has her to the wall before she can process any of it, that she would feel her heart twist and stutter and feel his own get too tight simultaneously.

“Mikasa,” he says, perfectly calm.

“Levi,” she breathes back.

He smiles, dark and satisfied, before deciding to give them both what they need.

“I think, little blackbird,” he drawls, closing in and swallowing her whole, “you mean _sir_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for coming this far with me. I can't believe I finished this; completing a multi-chaptered fic is an insurmountable task for me, and this is the second time I've done it. So much has happened during this timespan, and more than anything, I want to thank you every one of you for everything. I had so, so much fun getting to talk to all of you. I love all of you so much. And I really can't tell you how much I do. I hope you loved Levi and Mikasa as much as I did, and that you breathed a sigh of relief with me when their mission was over.
> 
> From the bottom of my heart: thank you, thank you, thank you. 
> 
> \- Katherine


End file.
